What A Smile Can Hide
by just-a-story
Summary: What if instead of Eli found Cam in the greenhouse that night? High T for potential trigger warnings
1. Chapter 1

**In The Air Tonight: Part I**

"Nasty shiner there." Cam said as Zig was walking into the school.

Zig stopped halfway on the front steps and looked towards Cam.

"I hope it didn't hurt too bad." Cam said before putting a french fry in his mouth. "Just hope it didn't hurt to bad that you lost the girl."

"Maya forgave you?" Zig asked giving Cam a nasty look.

Cam didn't say anything he just continued to wait for Maya.

Zig shook his head and looked at the front doors. "Doesn't matter it won't last. You know...you can keep up this act for long."

Cam looked over at Zig and laughed. "What act?"

"Eventually Maya is going to see what I see." Zig snapped.

Cam sighed in annoyance. "Oh yeah? And whats that?" Cam asked as he moved his head around a little bit like he did sometimes in hockey as he waited for the opponent.

"You're a psycho."

Cam stayed still and stared at the pavement on the driveway in front of him. He swallowed as he though of all the stuff he did. The ice skate, the catwalk, attacking Zig in front of everyone...

Zig continued to walk up the steps but then stopped and turned back to face Cam. "You know, it just sucks that Maya is going to have to deal with it."

Cam didn't say anything.

"And if you cared about her...at all, then you would get out of her life now. Forever."

Cam swallowed and continued to look out in front of him and thought about everything he did. Zig was right, he wasn't even thinking about Maya. He's already put her through so much, it wasn't fair to her. What did he have to offer her? He was some sophomore who hurt himself on purpose and had nervous breakdowns and anxiety attacks. Man, some boyfriend he is. Maybe Zig was right, if he did care about Maya, he wouldn't drag her through this hell with him. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He wont.

After the bell rang for lunch Maya walked out on the front steps of Degrassi. She looked around for Cam but she didn't see him she just noticed two boxes sitting on the wall in front of the sign for things that were going on at the school. She walked over and looked in one of the boxes to find her little grey owl sitting right side up in the box. She reached in her coat pocket and took out her phone.

_'Where are you?'_

She looked around trying to see if he was somewhere nearby but all she saw was Tori and Tristan sitting at one of the picnic benches across the driveway. She sighed wishing she didn't ruin her friendship with Tori. All over one stupid guy. She sighed when she realized all she wanted right now was Cam sitting next to her eating lunch and spending some time together. They haven't had a lot of time together since his arm got better. But she was glad he was better, he liked hockey and she liked seeing him happy.

Maya jumped slightly when she felt her phone go off. She felt her heart rate pick up knowing who the text was from. Excited she unlocked her phone, 6...7...6...7.

_'I'm not coming. Sorry. It's over.'_

Maya blinked a few times and read the text over. Was she reading it right? After a perfect night he just ended it...why? She looked back in the box with Hoot and slipped her back pack off one shoulder. She slowly unzipped the small front pocket still trying to come up with a reason why Cam would just end things like that. She swallowed to keep herself together as she grabbed the small grey owl and placed him in her bag.

She looked around one more time hoping to see Cam somewhere but her eyes just fell on Tori and Tristan laughing and having a good time. She thought about going to sit with them just to try to get along but just as she was about to move a foot in that direction the bell rang again telling the students lunch was over. She let out a small sigh and looked back at the two empty boxes.

As the students began walking back in she grabbed the two boxes and made her way up the steps. When she got to the top she shoved the box's in the garbage can by the front doors. She took a deep breath as she made her way into the school and kept reminding herself she couldn't get distracted for her upcoming audition. She tried convincing herself it wasn't worth getting stressed out about but she could not get that feeling of cuddling on the couch with him out her head. God why did she have to fall for him? Katie warned her, guys are bad news. Just look what Drew did to her. That's what Cam was. Cam was just another Drew and he wasn't worth her time.

Maya walked quickly up the stairs and into her math class. She walked over to her seat and took out last nights homework, Pythagorean Theorem.

"Hi Maya." Zig said as he took his seat next to her.

Maya mentally cursed. Why did the teacher have to make them sit together?

"Maya?" Zig asked trying to get her attention.

She sighed and looked over at Zig and forced a smile. "Hey."

"You okay?"

Maya shrugged. "Just...nervous for my audition that's all."

Zig smiled. "Don't worry you'll do great I know you will."

Maya didn't respond right away.

"Maya...I swear you'll do great." Zig said trying to reassure her.

She let out a small sigh and turned to face him. "You haven't seen Cam at all today have you?"

Zig gave Maya a confused look. "No, he's suspended for the week remember?"

Maya forced a smile and shook her head. "Right..."

"Lunch is over people, take your seats." the teacher said as she walked into the class room.

The kids in the back of the room all sighed and walked to their seats.

"Please take out your homework from last night and I'm going to come around to check it off. If you have any questions or problems you don't understand please come up and write them on the board to go over after."

Maya stared at the board in the front of the room. Was a sleepover too much? Maybe that's what drove him away. She was his first girlfriend. But then again he said, 'it was the best night ever.' She sighed once more and looked over at Zig. She shook her head reminding herself about what Katie said. Cam was just another Drew.

"You okay Maya?" The teacher asked.

Maya quickly looked up at her teacher and forced a smile. "Yup."


	2. Chapter 2

**In The Air Tonight: Part II**

Cam sat at his desk trying to figure out his chemistry homework. He dropped his pencil and ran his hands through his hair thinking about how he couldn't let Alli tutor him again considering what happened earlier in the week. He didn't want her to think of him as some loser who had an anger management problem and panic attacks.

"Campbell?" A woman's voice asked as she tapped her knuckles on the door.

Cam stared down at his paper and then turned around in his chair. He cleared his throat trying to hold back his emotions. "Yeah?"

The blonde haired lady entered the room and took a seat at the edge of his bed. "What happened?"

Cam didn't say anything he just looked down at his floor.

"Campbell I need to know why you got suspended." the woman pushed.

Cam swallowed once more. "Simpson already told you..." he mumbled as he still avoided eye contact.

The woman sighed. "Yes but...I would like to hear you're side of the story."

Cam shrugged and remained silent.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

Cam looked up at his current guardian. "I guess I just wasn't thinking and let my instincts get the best of me. I'm sorry, Mrs. Clarkson."

Mrs. Parks sighed. "Campbell I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Is there anything the kid may of done to you?"

Cam looked back down. "No."

The woman let out another big sighed. "Well..." she started out. "you may want to give you're mother a call."

The next morning at school Maya walked into her English class. She saw Tori and Tristan sitting together, as always, and Zig was sitting in the far corner. She sighed and before she really knew what she was doing she took the seat next to Zig. She looked behind her to see Tori and she saw her quickly move her eyes back down to the paper.

"Alright class, please take out your book reports and turn to the person next to you to start your peer edit.

'Damn.' Maya thought. The one day she actually sat next to him it was a peer edit...

Zig opened up his backpack and grabbed his folder. "Okay you want to you first or should I?"

For a moment Maya didn't say anything. She was too busy thinking about what may of made Cam break-up with her like that. She tried convincing herself he was just another Drew but no matter how many times she told her self Cam wasn't worth it she just couldn't bring herself to believe it.

"Maya?" Zig asked.

She shook her head and then fished in her backpack for her own folder. After she found it she told Zig he could go first. She spaced-out again while he was trying to find his rough draft.

"Did you say anything?" Maya asked.

Zig looked up to face her. "Huh?"

"Did you say anything to Cam?"

"When?" Zig asked still confused.

"After the Spirit Week game."

Zig let out a small laugh. "Talk? No." Zig shook his head. "I don't think he wanted to talk to me, he was too busy trying to break my ribs."

Maya didn't say anything.

"Why? Did he say anything?"

Maya shook her head. "Second thought, I'll go first."

"Can you believe that?" Tori asked as Tristan was going through his own papers.

He looked up and noticed Maya and Zig's desks right next to each other.

"I mean Cam's been suspended for what? Like three-ish days now and she's already cheating on him."

Tristan rolled his eyes. "Some people just don't know how a relationship works. I thought it was Zig but I guess it's Maya too."

Tori stayed silent as she watched Zig and Maya edit each other's paper.

"You know?" Tristan said as he corrected a mistake on his friends paper. "Too bad Cam is going to have to deal with it when he gets back."

Zig walked across the street after school and spotted Cam sitting on one of the benches.

"Maya seem's happy." Zig commented as he stopped in front of Cam.

"Oh?" Cam replied as he refused to make eye-contact.

"Yeah, smiling pretty much everyday."

"Maybe cause you finally got what you deserved during the Spirit Week." Cam snapped.

"You mean when you turned all psycho?" Zig asked.

There it was again. That word. Psycho. That's what he was, he was a psycho and Maya deserved better.

"She was there and she saw every second of it. She saw you attack me, everyone did."

Cam remained silent.

"You act like you're some cool NHL jock but in reality you're just psychotic. And I suggest you get rid of the act, it may be fooling some of you're hockey team mates but not me. Not Maya."

Cam remained still as he looked down at the side-walk. He didn't even noticed Zig had already walked away. But even thought he was gone Cam still couldn't get that word out of his head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Suicide: Part I**

"Sure you wanna do this?" Katie asked after she parked the car.

Maya nodded and she stared at the glove compartment in front of her.

"Maya I know it sucks but...maybe things just weren't meant to work out between you and Cam."

Maya shrugged. "Maybe, but I just need to talk to him."

"Maya..." Katie sighed.

"Please?" Maya pushed.

Katie sighed as she rested her head on the driver seat. "Okay, call me when you wanna be picked up."

Maya nodded once more and then unbuckled her seatbelt. "Thanks." she whispered before opening the door.

Katie watched as her younger sister walked into the apartment building. She let out another sigh as her sister walked through the revolving door.

Maya walked up nervously to Cam's apartment. She was worried he wouldn't even want to talk to her, he must have some sort of a reason he broke up with her.

She raised her fist to knock on the door but she hesitated. 'He might not even be home...' she thought. She took one last deep breath to help calm herself down. Raising her fist one more time she placed three solid knocks on the door.

"Hello?" A woman asked.

"Uh...hi, I'm Maya. One of uh...Cam's friends."

For a second the woman didn't say anything which made Maya ten time as nervous. "I'm sorry but Campbell's not allowed to hang out with any friends after what had happened at school the other day."

Maya tired to figure out what to say next. Before she knew it she blurted out, "I'm here about school. He is in my group for a French project and I needed to talk to him about a part of it. It's worth 25% of our final grade."

The woman sighed and then stepped out of the doorway. "He is in his room, second door on the left."

Maya forced a smile. "Thank you." she said as she made her way past the lady.

Cam was lying on his bed while looking up at the ceiling wondering how the heck he got himself in this position. He let out a deep sigh thinking about having to go back to school the following week. He raised his left arm up in front of his face and looked at the four solid horizontal cuts on his arm. One for being called a psycho, one for getting suspended, one for making a fool out of himself in front of Dallas and the team, and the last one for transferring to Degrassi in the first place. He looked up at the solid white ceiling and everything just felt still. He hated the way this felt, being homesick, these dark days being away from home. He just wanted to be back in his own bed at his own home with his own family. He wished he could just fall asleep and never wake up. He turned on his side and grabbed the x acto knife that he had brought home to work on his art project. He grabbed the small thin knife and rested in along his skin. He gently pushed down and dragged it across. He didn't even know what he was doing, it just seemed to happen. This was all his fault, if he just had stayed home non of this would have happened. He watched as for one second his skin was normal and the next blood was apearing on the thin line if almost by magic. He looked at the blade on the small knife when he heard foot steps coming closer to his door.

"Cam you in here?" Maya asked.

Cam grew wide eyed and turned towards the door. Maya? What was she doing here?

He quickly got off his bed and quickly went over to his dresser. He opened the second to last drawer and pulled out a sweatshirt. He quickly placed his arms inside ignoring the pain of the fabric against the open cuts.

"Cam?" Maya asked once more.

He looked behind his shoulder and then back to shut the drawer. He walked over and placed a hand on the doorknob quickly opening it trying to act casual. "Maya?" he asked in a surprised tone.

For a second Maya didn't say anything.

"Hello?" Cam asked a bit confused.

Maya sighed. "Can we talk?"

"Uh...about?"

Without saying anything else Maya made her way past Cam and shut the door behind her.

Cam didn't say anything he just walked out of her way.

"What did I do wrong?" Maya asked. When Cam didn't reply she mentally slapped herself. Man, did she sound like a jerk. Storming into her boyfriend's room asking him why he broke up with her.

Cam remained silent.

"Sorry..." Maya mummbled. "I just don't know what happened. I mean you said you had a good night and then...nothing."

Cam let out a small sigh and grabbed Maya's hand and lead her over to sit on his bed.

"Cam, I just want the truth." Maya said not realizing how much that hurt him to hear those words.

"Maya..." Cam started out.

Maya swallowed to keep herself together.

"Maya I broke up with you because..."

Her eyes fell to his arm noticing some red coming through the blue. She grabbed his arm.

Cam swallowed realizing what she saw. "Maya I-"

She ignored him and continued to pull up the sleeve. After seeing 5 straight horizontal cuts she couldn't get herself to make eye contact with him.

"Maya..." Cam started out but then he stopped realizing he didn't know what to say. He held his breath waiting for Maya to say something.

Instead of saying anything she slowly pulled down his sleeve and looked over at the ground. She was speechless. Why did he have 5 cuts the same size in a row on his arm?

"I'm sorry..."

Maya forced herself to look up at Cam. "Did you do this?" she asked while quickly glancing down at his arm.

Cam didn't say anything. "Maya, I'm sorry, I-"

Maya then shook her head. "No."

Cam swallowed trying to keep calm.

"No...this isn't you."

He looked down at the floor ashamed of himself. He didn't know what to say. He just wish he could disappear. Just as he was about to say something Maya opened her mouth.

"I should go...Katie is probably waiting for me."

Cam didn't say anything he just watched as Maya quickly got up from his bed and walked out of his room. After she shut the door behind her he fell backwards onto his bed while letting out a big sigh. Now what? Maya is going to tell Tori, Tori is going to tell Tristan, Tristan will probably spill to Owen and then the hockey team...


	4. Chapter 4

**Suicide: Part II**

Later than night Cam turned on his side to face his alarm clock. _3:36._ He wasn't able to shut an eye ever since Maya left. She probably got to school and-...school...he went back tomorrow.

He let out a big sigh. He didn't even want to go back, he just wanted to stay in this room and sleep. Forever, and never wake up. He wanted all this pointless crap to just go away. How did he even get himself in this position? He wanted to just pack his bags and leave and never come back to Degrassi. Ever. Never even come back to Toronto. Ever. He wished his family would just come save him. Save him from this hell. His mother warned him he may get homesick but did he listen? No. It had to do with hockey. He loved hockey. Well he did anyways. Not after all this crap it put him through. He look one look at his clock. _3:37_. He wished his heart rate was that slow. Even though it already felt like it.

He grabbed the knob on his nightstand and opened up the small drawer. He pulled out a photograph of him back home with his family before he left for Degrassi. He stared at his family who seemed to be smiling back at him. His eyes shifted to himself. He stared at the picture of himself for a second. He couldn't even recognize himself anymore. He just wanted to go back, back to where he felt like himself, back to where it felt like home. He didn't understand why he felt this why or how he even got into the position he was in. He just wanted it to end.

"Bonjour class." Madame Jean-Aux said as she sat at her desk. "Entrer dans vos groupes et faire les exercices sur la planche s'il vous plaît." (_Please get into your groups and do the exercises on the board.) _she told the class as she glanced over at the board. "Maintenant!"(_Now!)_ she said in a louder tone.

Tristan and Tori quickly got up and moved there desks around for four people.

Maya grabbed her backpack and moved to the side of there room where her group was. She sat down and forced a smile. "Hi."

She still wasn't really all that sure were she and Tori stood but from the look on her face she was pretty sure they wouldn't be calling each other 'best friends' anytime soon.

Tristen then looked up and interrupted the awkward silence. "Hi Cam."

Cam gave Tristan a quick smile and then turned towards Maya who was looking at the ground beside her. He swallowed remembering her face when she saw his cuts. "Maya?" he said in a quite tone.

"What page is the work on?" Maya asked Tristan to avoid Cam's question.

For a second Tristan didn't say anything. He looked at Cam and then back at Maya and then back at Cam. He looked at Cam and realized he as hurt by Maya's actions.

"Tristan?" Maya asked getting his attention. "Page number?"

Before Tristan could say a word Cam looked up at the board and then turned towards Maya. "167."

Without saying a word Maya flipped to the page number and took out a piece of paper and a pencil.

Tori and Tristen both looked at each other for a moment both wondering what they had missed.

"So, how's school going?" Cam asked trying to start at least some sort of conversation.

"Non, Campbell, en français" Madame Jean-Aux said as she walked by their group.

Cam let out a small sigh.

"Number one..." Maya said as she picked up her pencil.


	5. Chapter 5

**Breathe Me: Part I**

Cam looked up at the clock as the bell rang telling the students it was time for lunch. He took one last look at Maya before bending over to pack up his bag.

"And remember class, please complete page 5 in your packet for homework!" Madame Jean-Aux told the class.

As Cam finished packing up his bag he looked up at Tori when he heard a small shirk.

"Guys, I cannot wait to show you my semi dress!"

Maya smiled, "I'm sure it's gorgeous Tori."

Tristen nodded in a agreement. "I bet it's fab."

Tori and Maya both fell silent when they noticed Maya looking at Cam. She watched as he stood up to grab his bag and placed it over his shoulders. She continued to watch as he left the classroom in silences. Without even looking back.

"Maya?" Tori asked in a worried tone.

She shook her head and then forced a smile. "Lets go!"

"Hey has anyone seen Saunders?" Dallas asked the team as he took a seat.

Owen shook his head. "No."

For a moment Dallas didn't say anything.

"Maybe he is sitting with Chicken Cutlet." Luke said before taking another bite of his food.

Owen laughed and looked at Dallas and noticed his straight face.

"Dallas, come on, I'm sure he'll turn up." Owen said before taking a bite.

"He better." Dallas snapped.

Cam walked into the bathroom and locked himself in one of the stalls. He slid his backpack off his shoulders and sat down next to the toilet resting his back on the cold hard tile wall. He let out a deep breath and then reached for his backpack. He dug through it until he found a ruler. He quickly grabbed it and snapped it in half. He look one of the ends and rolled up his sleeve and pressed it down on his skin. He dragged the thin plastic along his arm and pressed harder. He then let go and shifted it down closer to his elbow. He pressed down again and dragged it across. He let go of the plastic ruler and let it fall to the floor. He watched his arm and saw the blood begin to show. The fist cut became highlighted by a crimson red and then the second did the same. He watched as the blood continued to get thicker. He looked down at the ruler and picked it up once more. He looked at the sharp edge and gripped the ruler with his fist. His stomach then dropped and he quickly let go of the ruler. He turned over letting his head go over the toilet and he quickly vomited about three times. For a moment is was hard to swallow but he finally was able to. He looked down at his arm and noticed the bleeding had made a small puddle on his arm. How deep did he cut?

He heard someone come in the bathroom and quickly pulled down his sleeve. He grabbed his backpack and flushed the toilet before leaving the stall. He quickly made his way towards the door but someone grabbed his backpack.

"Where do you think you're going?" A familar voice asked.

Cam swallowed and turned around. "What do you want Luke?"

"Where were you?" Luke demanded.

"What?" Cam asked in a confused tone.

"Where were you sitting during lunch?"

"Luke, it's lunch now, I was just about to head out."

Luke glanced towards the door. "You weren't sitting with Chicken girl were you?"

"Exucse me?" Cam asked slightly annoyed.

"Your girlfriend."

Cam shook his head. "No, we have a game this Friday remember? I've always sat with the team before games."

Luke slowly nodded and shoved into Cam's shoulder as he left the bathroom.

"Tori, you're going to look so pretty in that dress." Maya smiled.

"Aw, thanks Maya."

"Do you have you're dress yet Maya?" Tristan asked.

Maya sighed. "Not yet..."

"Hey, you okay?" Tori asked.

Maya shrugged.

Tristen looked at Tori who was given Maya a look of sympathy. "Well what ever it is, you know you can always talk to us." Tori said with a smile.

Maya forced a small smile. "Thanks."

Tori smiled. "We could all get together tonight."

"Sounds good." Maya smiled.

As the last bell of the day rang Maya ran up to Tori in the hallway. "Hey Tori!"

Tori turned around and smiled at Maya, "Hey what's up?"

"Do you mind it being just us girls tonight? I mean I love Tristan don't get me wrong but I would really just like to spend some time with just you."

"Of course Maya, whatever you need. I'll just tell Tristan that we are going bra shopping."

Maya laughed for a first time in a while. "Okay, sounds good."

Katie made her way over to the door when she heard the bell ring. "Hi Tori."

"Hi."

"Maya's up in her room."

Tori smiled. "Great thanks."

As Tori made her way up the stairs she heard the sound of cello music. A small smile went across her face as she opened the door. "Sounds very nice."

Maya looked up from her music and let out a large sigh. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Of course, now what's bugging you, you seem really off."

Maya didn't say a word she just moved her cello to the side and patted a spot on her bed.

Tori gave Maya a slightly confused look and put her bag down as she took a seat on the bed.

"I found out something...odd..about Cam." Maya confessed.

Tori gave her a confused look. "What was it?"

"He..." Maya's voice trailed off and Tori leaned in closer and put an arm around her. "Maya you can tell me anything, you know that."

Maya took a deep breath and turned towards her best friend. "Tori...Cam he...he's scaring me."

"Maya, if he's making you uncomfortable then we need to go to Simpson"

Maya swallowed. "Like he's really scaring me Tori..."

"Maya it will be okay, first thing tomorrow we will go to Simpson okay?"

Maya shook her head. "He'll just get mad and he might...might do it again."

"Maya I need you to tell me what he's doing." Tori said.

Maya sniffled and shook her head.

"Maya, tell me." Tori demanded.

"I can't!"

"Yes you can Maya. We can't go to Simpson if you don't tell me."

"We can't go to Simpson!" Maya protested.

"We have too, if he's making you uncomfortable then we have to do something about it, he cannot be harassing you."

"Tori...he's not...he's not harassing me."

"Then what is he doing?"

Maya didn't say a word she just took a deep breath and starred at her door.

"Maya come on, you can tell me anything."

"He cut himself."

"What? We need to tell Simpson!" Tori slightly yelled.

Maya shook her head. "No Tori you can't! If you do he might do it again!"

"Maya, we have to do something."

She shook her head. "Tori just promise me you won't tell anybody okay?"

Tori sighed. "I promise..."


	6. Chapter 6

I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI

Hello

The two bus door's opened and Cam was the last one out. He stopped to look around when Dallas shook his shoulder.

"Great game last night Saunders, you were on fire."

Cam forced a smile. "Thanks."

He watched Dallas walk away with the others towards the school. He looked around for Maya and noticed her standing near the steps smiling and talking to Tori and Tristan. He wondered if she told anybody. He took a deep breath and walked over towards her. Now or never right?

He then noticed how happy she seemed. Smiling, laughing...he didn't want to drag her down with him. He couldn't.

"Guess she finally realized what a psycho you are." A familiar voice said from behind him. "Serves you right after-"

"You know what Zig?!" Cam snapped while turning around to face him. "Yeah, okay she figured it out! I'm a screwed up psycho, up, look I agree, you happy now? You got the girl congratulations." Cam said while making his way up the stairs. "Why don't I just get out of you two love birds way?" He mumbled.

Zig watched as Cam entered the building and his eyes then fell on Maya who was still talking to Tori and Tristan. He walked up to Maya and and tried to ingore the death glare Tori was sending him.

"Hey Maya, can I ask you a band question?" Zig asked.

Maya turned towards him giving him a non satisfied look. "What do you want."

"In uh...private."

Maya shrugged her shoulders. "Why can't you just say it right here?"

Zig looked over at Tori and Tristan who seemed very interested in what he was going to say next.

"Well..uh..you know Mo, he doesn't like it when everyone know's everything..." Zig said while faking a laugh.

Maya rolled her eye's and walked towards the middle of the steps. "Look I know this isn't about the band..." Maya said while crossing her arms.

"Look, what I did at battle of the bands was wrong and I'm sorry, but it was you too, you leaned in to kiss me too."

"Yeah and then I realized it was a big mistake." Maya snapped.

Zig let out a small sigh. "Maya, I'm sorry and I'm sorry I almost ruined you and Tori's friendship but please, just give me a chance."

Maya paused to think. "Look if I go on one date with you, will you just leave me alone after?"

Zig didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry that came out kind of rude but you have to understand I can't hurt Tori, she's my best friend."

Zig nodded.

"I'm sorry." Maya told him.

Zig forced a smile but then an idea popped into his head. "Don't worry about."

"I'll just see you later okay?" Maya asked before walking away.

Zig nodded and then noticed Cam in the window watching him and Maya. Before giving it a second thought he pulled Maya in for a hug. He looked up at Cam while still hugging Maya and made sure to make eye contact.

"Uh...Zig..." Maya said as he released her. "I said no, you do know that right?"

Zig nodded. "Oh...uh yeah I know but uh... you know...Whisper _Hug_. Get it?"

Maya gave Zig a strange look. "Uh...sure. Bye."

After Maya was gone Zig felt a large grin grow across his face.

Cam stood leaded up against one of the column's inside looking at Zig through the window watching him stand there smiling. He felt his heart drop because he knew what had just happened. He then looked around when the morning bell rang. He waited for a few minutes just watching the people walk in through the doors. He saw Maya with Tori and Tristan first. Tori and Tristan and Maya were all smiling and laughing. Did she actually say yes to a date with Zig? He continued to think about it when he saw someone was looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He looked up and saw Zig smiling at him. He made eye contact very briefly but quickly looked away pretending not to notice.

"Good morning class, please take out Section One of your notes for Unit D." Mr. Armstrong said as he picked up a clip board.

Cam leaned over to tap Maya on the shoulder.

She looked over at him with a blank look.

"Hey Maya, can I borrow a pencil?" He asked with a smile.

For a moment she looked away and then turned back to him. "Sorry, I don't have an extra one."

Cam was about to say something to try to at least have a simple conversation but when he looked back over he saw her head was buried in her backpack. He waited for a moment and watched her pull out her pencil pouch. He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw her unzip it exposing about ten pencils.

Did he honestly care about the pencils? Of course not. But he understood why she was ignoring her. Who would want to be seen with a freak like him anyways?

After class was over Maya bent down to pack up her things.

"Uh Maya..." Cam started out.

No answer.

"Maya?"

No answer.

"Can we just talk?" Cam asked.

Without making eye contact she said, "I gotta get to my next class."

He watched as she got up and made her way out the door. He quickly grabbed his own bag and followed her.

"Maya!" He called down the hall.

No answer.

"Maya, please!"

She quickly turned around to face him. "What do you want Cam?"

"I just...are you..." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry okay, I really am, I never meant for you to find out. It just-" He stopped talking when he noticed her eyes fell to his arm. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Don't try to fix me Cam...I'm not the one broken. You are."

He stood in the hall and watched her disappear into one of the classrooms. Before he knew it he was alone in the hall with no one near him. It didn't even matter if people were near him. He was still alone. And he always will be. He just either has to learn to accept it, or do something to change it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Safe and Sound**

After brushing her teeth that night Katie walked by her little sister's room. She stopped and backed up a few steps and put her ear to the door. She heard faint weeping sounds and small whimpers. She placed a light knock on the door. "Maya?" she asked through the wood.

No answer.

She opened the door slowly and made her way into the room. "Hey, what's wrong?" she said in a soft voice.

"Nothing. Go away."

Maya's older sister sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Come on Maya talk to me, what's wrong?"

Maya didn't respond she continued to cry into her pillow. Katie felt her stomach drop when she noticed Maya was visibly shaking. She shifted closer to her little sister and wrapped her arms around. "Maya, you know you can tell me anything. No matter how bad it is right?"

"I...can't...tell you." Maya managed to say.

Katie sighed and took the pillow away from in front of her sister face. "Not talking about it 'causes more pain you know?"

Maya sighed and stared at her floor. Katie took her hand and rubbed her sister's arm. "Can you tell me what's buggin' you?"

Maya shrugged.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Maya took a deep breath. "Cam he..."

Suddenly Katie felt her heart pick up with anger. "Did he hurt you?"

Maya shook her head.

"Did he-"

"Katie, Cam he..." she paused and took a deep breath. She slowly turned to her sister and let it all out. "Katie, Cam is cutting himself and I'm scared. I'm so scared. I've been ingoring him because I just don't know what to do. It's bad Katie, it's really bad. I'm so scared."

Before Katie could say anything Maya's head fell into Katie's arms. Katie wrapped her arms around her baby sister and rubbed her back. "Shhh...Maya everything will be okay."

Maya quickly jolted back. "No! Can't you see it's not okay! What if this is because of me! What if I caused him to do this!"

"Well ignoring him isn't going to help the problem it's just going to make it worse."

Maya swallowed. "I just didn't know what to do so I haven't been talking to him or anything I'm just so scared I don't want to see him like this!"

"Maya, shhh, it will be okay."

"How? How can it be okay? He cut himself Katie, on purpose, and who's not to say he broke his arm on purpose too?!"

"Maya, just take a deep breath. Don't worry, we will talk to him."

"I just want him to be happy and when he stayed over that night I thought he was happy but then he broke up with me and-"

Katie gave her sister another hug. "Okay you know what, tomorrow we are going to start fresh okay."

Maya didn't say anything.

"You know what! I got an idea."

Maya looked over at her sister.

"Tomorrow you apologize to Cam and I'll apologize to Jake."

Maya raised an eye brow. "Didn't you already apologize to Jake."

Katie sighed. "My point is, is that we are going to get ourselves on good terms with these guys okay? And Cam is a really sweet guy, Maya."

"I know. And I screwed it all up."

Katie sighed. "Maya, you won't get anywhere if you're thinking like that. Just try okay?"

Maya shrugged. "He won't even want to talk to me Katie, I've been ignoring him since I found out."

"When did you find out?"

Maya shrugged. "About two days ago."

"How about this? Text him tonight just saying that you'll meet him at the front of the school in the morning okay?"

Maya sighed. "Okay."

I'm okay.

Lie.

I'm happy.

Lie.

I have late night hockey practice.

Lie.

He found himself living lies. He lied to everyone. They all saw him as this star hockey player but boy were they wrong. He thought about all the people in his life. His family, the hockey team...Maya. He remembered. He remembered that night in the photo booth, their date by the greenhouse, the awkward moment in French class, the Battle of the Bands, their first kiss. Every single moment he remembered and loved, no matter how awkward or embarrassing it might of been.

He sat down on a wooden crate and looked up at the plants hanging from above.

He thought about the Ice Hounds and Dallas, and Luke, and Owen and he remembered that time Tristan came over to talk to him and he made fun of him in front of everyone.

He grabbed the blade from the Swiss Army Knife he got one year from his family. He took out the knife and cut a fine line across his arm.

One for being mean to Tristan.

One for humiliating himself in front of the hockey team and Bianca.

One for missing the practice that night he went to karaoke.

One for the first cut he gave himself.

One for braking his arm.

One for being a horrible boyfriend to Maya.

One for coming to Degrassi in the first place.

"Thank you so much for dinner Eli." Clare said while holding his hand.

"Anytime. I'm just glad I got to take you out."

Clare rolled her eyes. "Ever since my mom kinda found out about what Jake likes to do in his spare time...she's been a bit difficult to reason with."

Eli stopped walking and sighed.

Clare turned around to face him and gave him a concerned look. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

Eli sighed. "I should've never even tried it, I just got so nervous about NYU and-"

Before Eli could finish Clare cut him off with her lips. After a few seconds she pulled away. "We all do things we're not proud of, what's important is that you realizing that there are better choices."

Eli smiled. "How come you always know exactly what to say?"

Clare let out a small laugh and Eli claimed her lips with his. He quickly pulled away when he heard a loud crashing noise. "What was that?"

Clare laughed. "Relax, jumpy it's probably just a raccoon getting into someones trash."

He looked back at Clare and smiled. "Alright, let's get you home."

The two passed by Degrassi when they heard the noise once more.

"There?! Don't you hear it?"

"Eli...it's probably jus the-"

"See look! Someone's moving!"

She crossed her arms and looked over to where he was pointing.

"It the greenhouse see?"

"It's the night guy Eli..."

"What's he doing in there?"

"Probably his job."

He let out a small sigh and Clare took his hands in hers. "You are very jumpy you know that?"

His signature smile made it's way across his face and just when he was leaning into kiss her once more he heard the noise again. He paused and then began moving towards the greenhouse.

He watched as the blood poured out his body like a river. His vision became blurry and his mouth tasted like blood. All he could see was red. He couldn't even feel his left arm. Images passed through his mind. He saw Maya smiling before they shared their first kiss, he saw her smile in the photo booth, but then it disappeared. All of it. He shut his eyes as tight as he could he didn't want to see the world. He felt a warm puddle against his arm but continued to ignore it. He just had to keep his eyes shut. He was okay, no one could hurt him now. In the morning he would be gone and he would be safe from the horror he called reality. He felt safe. He felt like he was falling asleep. He felt like he couldn't feel a thing and that what he wanted. He would rather feel nothing at all than go though this hell. He just had to close his eyes, and wait. Eventually, everything will be gone. He just wanted everything to disappear. Besides, when you die you don't know. It just feels like your sleeping and that's all he wanted, to sleep forever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Bleeding Out**

"Eli!" Clare yelled. "Eli wait!"

He didn't listen he continued to march right over into the green house.

"Eli, come on!" Clare said while jogging after him. "Eli if we get caught..." Her voice suddenly shut off. She noticed how Eli was standing there motionless staring into the small building. "Eli?" she asked.

He held his index finger up to tell her to wait.

"Eli-"

"Shh" He snapped.

She continued to stay quite as she watched him walk through the opening.

"Hello?" Eli asked.

"Eli, who are you talking to?" Clare asked slightly laughing."

"Just stay out there okay?" He called behind his shoulder.

Clare rolled her eyes and a smile formed across her face. "I hope you're not making friends with a small rat Eli."

"Come on man, you okay?" Eli asked.

No answer. The kid continued to stare infront of him but Eli could've sworn he saw him blink. He knelt down next to the kid and shook his shoulder, hey kid."

Eli stayed quite and listened for any sound. He heard the faintest moan exit from the kids mouth. He looked around and saw a small spot of blood escape from the arm whole in the sweat shirt he was wearing. "It's okay kid..." Eli said to the kid even thought he was just trying to keep himself sane. The kid let out another faint sound. "Easy..." slowly Eli took the kids cold hand in his and with his other hand he slid up the sweatshirt sleeve to expose about ten deep cuts. "Clare!" Eli shouted.

"What is it Eli?" she slightly laughed as she entered the green house.

Eli quickly put a finger up telling her not to come closer. "Go back outside near the curb and call 9-11."

"Eli whats-?"

"Now!" Eli yelled.

She quickly did as she was told and ran to the curb. Eli took a deep breath and saw the kids head move slightly to the side. Eli took two fingers and placed them right under the kids cheekbone. He noticed the heart was beating fast but weak. He looked up to the kids eyes and noticed his lips were turning grey. He looked down at his finger tips and they were doing the same. "Okay, Eli..." he told himself. He put one arm undernenth the kid and picked him up. The kid let out a small groan and Eli looked around frantically.

"What the hell?!" Clare screamed when she saw Cam's body in her boyfriends arms.

"Did you call the cops?"

"Yeah, but-"

Eli looked down at the kid who's chest was moving slower and slower.

"Eli..." Clare whispered as she looked down at the body.

"I know okay?" Eli said before he heard the faint sounds of sirens.

"Okay, here they come." Clare said in a shaky tone.

Two police cruisers, a fire truck and an ambulance pulled up quickly and Eli ran to the ambulance. "Please help, he's bleeding alot and-"

One of the EMT's grabbed a gurney out of the back and the other took Cam out of Eli's arms. If happened all so fast. Like they've seen this before. Have they?

"What are your names?" One of the police officers asked.

"Clare Edwards..." Clare said.

The cop took a second to write down her name. "And you sir?"

Eli continued to stare at how they were dealing with Cam.

"Sir?"

"Eli?" Clare asked as she gave his shoulder a quick shake.

"Huh?"

"You're name son?" The cop asked.

"Uh...Elijah Goldsworthy."

The cop looked back down at his paper and wrote down his name. "Mind coming over here to answer a few questions?" he said as he pointed to the front steps of the school.

Clare nodded. "Sure."

Eli remained where he was watching as the EMT's closed the back doors.

"Eli, come on." Clare told him.

He slowly turned away and looked back over his shoulder as they were taking off out of the Degrassi parking lot.

Both students sat down on the steps and and cop pushed down on his mechanical pencil. "Do either of you know the victim?"

Clare shook her head. "No, not personally."

Eli took a deep breath and then looked up at the officer. "No."

"Are you two students here?"

Clare nodded. "Yes, I am a junior and he is a senior."

"Where were you two headed?"

"He was walking me home after a date."

"Did either of you contact your parents or guardians notify them were you are?"

Clare shook her head, "I didn't get the chance no. I called the minute Eli found the kids body."

"Any idea on who this kid was?"

"I think his last name is Saunders." Clare replied.

"What condition was he in when you found him son?"

Eli didn't respond.

The officer looked briefly down at his paper then back up at Eli. "Elijah, what condition was he in?"

Eli slowly looked up. "Is he gunna be okay?"

"Well, I can assure you that our team is going to do their best but I'm not one to make any promises. Now, what condition was he in?"

"He is so young..."

The officer sighed. "What was his condition like?"

Eli starred off down the Degrassi driveway. "He was cold...and grey colored. His heart rate was off."

"Anything else?"

"He had cuts...several of them running down his arm."

The officer took a second to write the information down. "Why don't you two contact your folks?"

Clare nodded and took out her phone but Eli remained to stare down the driveway.


	9. Chapter 9

**Speeding Cars**

"Mrs. Clarkson?" The nurse asked while standing in the doorway of the waiting room.

She stood up and made her way over to the short nurse. "Hi." Mrs. Clarkson said in a scratchy voice.

"Please follow me, the doctor would like to have a word. Is anyone else here with you?" The nurse asked.

"Just Campbell's hockey captain."

The nurse paused for a second as if she was thinking of something. "Please come with me."

Mrs. Clarkson looked behind her shoulder at Dallas who was staring at the carpet. The turned back around and followed the nurse to where the doctor was waiting in a small office.

"Hello." The doctor said while standing up. "I'm Dr. Mitchell."

"Melanie Clarkson, I'm Campbell's billet mother."

"Have you contacted Campbell's family?"

Mrs. Clarkson nodded. "His mother, Teresa is driving here from Kapuskasing. She left around eleven last night. She shoulder be here in about two hours."

"Okay...so as you know Campbell was obviously depressed, do you have any idea why?"

"He got in a fight at school over a girl and got suspended..."

"When did that happen?" Dr. Mitchell asked.

"Two weeks ago."

"Did you notice anything unusual in his behavior? Large amounts of stress, anxiety?"

Mrs. Clarkson shook her head. "No...but he did spend an awful amount of time in his bedroom."

"Any out of the order eating habits?"

"Not that I know of. He was mostly at school, he attends Degrassi for hockey."

The doctor slowly nodded. "Is he close with anyone on the team?"

"Mike Dallas, he is the captain of the team, he is actually waiting in the waiting room."

Cam turned on his side and faced a picture someone put of him and his family on the table beside his bed. He took a deep breath still waking up from the medicine the doctors have given him. How did he get here? Not the hospital but how did he get this screwed up?

"Oh good you're awake." One of the doctors said while walking over to him with a glass of water and medicine. "How are you feeling?"

Cam shrugged. "Tired."

The nurse smiled. "That's the sedative we gave you, to help calm you down."

"What happened?" Cam asked while taking the pill from the nurse.

"You tried to kill yourself." The nurse replied while handing him the glass of water. "One of the students at your school found you. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't have made it."

Cam swallowed the pill and looked up at the nurse. "Who?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know his name. But whoever he is, he is a good kid."

Cam sighed. School. How could he show his face there again? Then he remembered something...Maya. What would she say?

"You should probably get some more sleep."

Cam shook his head. "I wanna stay awake for a bit."

The nurse smiled. "Your call. I'll be back in a while."

After the nurse left Cam looked up at the ceiling. He was about to fall asleep when the door opened.

"How are you feeling?" Mrs. Saunders asked while walking over to her son.

Cam shrugged. "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

Cam didn't say anything.

"No one is mad at you Campbell, and you're not alone."

"Then why do I feel like I am?"

Mrs. Saunders bent down and kissed her sons forehead.

"Whenever I tried to say something or do something that I thought was right everyone would just get mad at me."

She took her hand and brushed back some of his hair. "What happened in the past doesn't matter."

"But it follows you around wherever you go."

"Only if you let it."

Cam swallowed. "You know everyone at school is gunna think I'm a weak pathetic loser. They thought I was this NHL Hockey Star but look at me know...I'm a stupid sophomore who tried to kill myself."

"Hey...you're the strongest person I know."

Cam let out a small laugh. "Yeah...right."

"Even though you tried to end your life doesn't mean your weak. I mean look, You're still alive."

"Only 'cause that kid found me..."

"You mean Eli?"

Cam looked up at his mother. "He's the one who found me?"

Mrs. Saunders nodded. "He was walking his girlfriend home and while they were walking past Degrassi he thought he saw something the in Greenhouse. So he went and looked and he found you."

A single tear fell from Cam's right eye. "I'm so messed up."

Mrs. Saunders sighed. "What's important is that you're here now. I love you so much Campbell." She bent down and placed another kiss on the top of his head.

"I love you too Mom. I just don't know if I can stay at Degrassi."

"I'm actually taking you home when the doctor says its okay. They are keeping you on a 24-hour watch but after that we are heading back to Kapuskasing. I have a meeting with Simpson later this afternoon."

Cam didn't say anything as he started to fall asleep again. Mrs. Saunders bent down once more and kissed his head before leaving the room.

"Hey, how is he doing?" Dallas asked as he got up off the bench outside the room.

Mrs. Saunders sighed. "I don't know Dallas, I mean over spring break he was so happy and then I get a call saying he attempted suicide at school."

Dallas didn't say anything.

"Did he tell you he was so depressed?"

Dallas shrugged. "I don't know, maybe."

"Did this happen because his girlfriend turned on him for the Zig kid? God just seeing him so happy back in Kapuskasing talking about her all the time..."

Dallas swallowed.

"Was he upset at all during practices or games?"

Dallas shook his head. "Not that I noticed but I should probably get going, I have to get back to the Torres family. I'm really sorry, give me a call when you get any news."

Before Mrs. Saunders could say anything Dallas was already quickly walking down the hall. She leaned against the wall and looked through the window at her son trying to figure out how the heck any of this could have happened.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Kill**

"You sure you want to do this?" Mrs. Saunders asked her son.

Cam nodded. "Gotta face it sooner or later."

"Well call me if you need anything..." she said as she grabbed Cam's hand in hers.

Cam forced a smile. "I will Mom don't worry."

His mother gave him a faint smile as he opened the passenger door. "Have a good day sweetie."

Cam nodded and after he got out from the car he turned around to face the school. He didn't want to go back but he knew he had too. He entered the school and looked around. So far, so good. He took a deep breath and made his way over to his locker.

"What the hell man?" A familiar voice shouted from behind before shoving him into a locker.

Cam quickly turned around to face Mike Dallas.

"You happy now Saunders? Because of you the whole school thinks the team is a joke. Everyone thinks we have some psyhco path, emo player on our team. Did you even think about the amount of pain you put the team through by doing this? You cost us the whole season! Now none of us has a chance at any scholarship because they think our team is filled with psycho emo teens!"

"Dallas I-"

"Save it Saunders. You know? Maybe you should've died that night in the greenhouse. We would all be better off anyway."

Cam swallowed. "Dallas-"

"Look's like it takes two tries to kill a freak like you."

Cam felt his throat become dry and his eyes become moist.

"Go jump off a bridge or something."

Cam stood still trying to hold back his tears and Dallas shoved into his shoulder and continued walking down the hall. Cam felt his hands turn into a solid fist and he turned around and walked straight into the janitors closet. He fell to the floor and let out his tears. After a few seconds he grabbed his backpack and opened the first pocket. He quickly slid out a black case and opened it. He put the small muzzle to his temple. His slipped a finger through the trigger guard and onto the trigger. He gave it a squeeze and everything went black. He had succeeded.

"You may take him home today he slept through most of the 24-hour watch which I can completely understand."

Mrs. Saunders nodded. "I can't believe I almost lost him."

The nurse stopped and looked at Mrs. Saunders. "Don't be so hard on yourself. They're was no way of you knowing. Teens these days, they bottle up all of their emotions because they feel like they have no one to talk to."

Mrs. Saunders didn't say anything.

"That's why I am suggesting Campbell to a Teen Support Group. It's very effective."

Mrs. Saunders nodded. "What ever helps."

"The nurse smiled and continued to walk. "Now if you have any questions or concerns, one of our partnering hospitals is located in Kapuskasing."

Mrs. Saunders nodded as the nurse opened the door exposing the cold hard truth. Both of their eyes widened and Mrs. Saunders stood in shock while the nurse ran over to him. She grabbed Cam's arm and told him to release the syringe. Cam struggled to hold onto to it trying to inert it into a main aterry in his rist to cause him to bleed out once more. The nurse continued to stay calm while Cam's mother remained in shock watching her son trying to commit suicide right before her eyes.

"Campbell let go." The nurse said calmly."

Cam continued to struggle.

"Campbell..."

In only a matter of seconds another nurse came rushing past Mrs. Saunders with a different syringe and quickly ingected it into Cam's left arm. His body quickly loosened and his fist opened causing the syringe he was holding to fall to the cold tile floor.

The two nurses quickly said something to another before they noticed Mrs. Saunders was still in shook.

"What did you give him?" She whispered.

"A calming medicine to make him sleep for the next few hours. His mind needs rest."

"What happened?" She whispered in a panicky voice.

"He must of had an anxiety attack of some sort."

"But he was just asleep how-"

"The medicine makes them sleep so he could've had a nightmare that caused him to snap like that."

"I just don't understand..." He was fine when he first woke up...

"When something like this happens it causes a lot of stress. Campbell seemed to bottle it up and now that he knows most people he cares about knows what he was really going through that can have a huge effect. It's mostly shock."

"What do I do?" Mrs. Saunders asked before covering her mouth.

"Well, we have to move him to a more secure room for the night and keep him on a suicide watch."

Later that afternoon Dallas went into the hockey locker room for practice.

"Hey hey hey look who showed up." Owen laughed.

"Well if it isn't Mike Dallas." Luke commented.

Dallas kept quite as he put on his gear.

"Dallas?" Owen asked.

No answer.

"Dallas we were joking, lighten up."

"Oh, you know what Owen. He's probably just pissed at Rook." Luke said as he tied his skates.

"Yeah where is Rook? Jump off a cliff or something?" Owen laughed.

Dallas felt his heart jump to his throat yet he still stayed quite.

"Come on ladies!" The coach called.

The hockey team left the locker room but Dallas stayed behind. The coach noticed and yelled, "Mike Dallas stop paining your nails and lets move!"

Dallas heard the others laugh but he continued to ignore it. "Actually coach I need to tell you something...it's about Saunders."

While Dallas was telling the coach about Cam's suicide attempt Owen looked over at Dallas and decided to evesdrop.

"You see..." Dallas started out. "A few days ago Campbell Saunders attempted suicide on school grounds. He is currently at the hospital and I'm unsure of when or if he will be returning."

Owen watched as the coach rubbed his chin. He couldn't believe that Dallas didn't bother to even tell the team. He looked over at the other team mates and began to walk towards them. "Guys..."

"Alright ladies let's move it!" The coach called.


	11. Chapter 11

**Eet**

"Pass the carrots?" Tristan asked his mother who was sitting across from him.

Mrs. Milligan picked up the bowl of cooked carrots and pasted them to her son. She looked over at Owen and saw he was poking his steak with his fork. "You okay Owen?"

Owen looked up at his mother. "Yeah why?"

"Well it just seems like you're a little down."

"Hockey practice was harsh thats all."

"Care to talk about it?" Mrs. Milligan forced a smile.

Owen didn't say anything he just looked over at Tristan.

Mrs. Milligan looked over at Tristan and smiled. "Tris, mind giving us a minute?"

He looked up and looked at his mother and then at his brother.

"Can you take Lucy out?" Mrs. Milligan asked as she looked over at the middle aged Golden Retriever who was lying down besides the table.

Tristan rolled his eyes. "Fine."

After Tristan left the room Mrs. Milligan turned towards Owen. "What happened?"

Owen let out a large sigh.

"I know you don't wanna talk to your Mommy about your problems but it helps..."

Owen looked up at her and listened for the back door opening and closing as Tristan took the dog out. Once he heard to close he continued. "Now you can not let Tristan know this 'cause he is friends with the kid."

Mrs. Milligan nodded.

"There is this sophomore, Campbell Saunders."

Mrs. Milligan nodded. "Yeah, he is the kid on your hockey team."

"Yeah...well he hasn't been attending any practices or games and I found out why. I overheard Dallas talking to the coach."

"Okay..."

"Apparently he attempted suicide in the green house at school the other night."

"Campbell Saunders?" Mrs. Milligan asked as her eyes widened.

Owen was too distracted in the conversation to hear the backdoor open again. "Yeah."

"Well how did this happen?! Is he okay?"

Tristan unclipped the leash from the dogs collar and listened in on the conversation.

"He's in the hospital now, I'm not sure when he's coming back though."

"Oh my god! Well, what is the school doing?"

"Not that many people know, his mother doesn't want it going through the whole community."

Mrs. Milligan nodded. "Poor Mrs. Saunders..."

Tristan made a confused face trying to figure out why they were talking about Cam.

"Gosh...suicide that's...that's...that's scary. Who found him?"

Owen shrugged. "I have no idea."

Tristan felt his heart jump to his throat. Did Cam commit suicide?"

"Well at least Campbell's okay. He's lucky who ever found him, found him."

Tristan let out a large breath.

"Yeah...could've been a lot worse."

"Tori!" Tristan yelled down the hallway.

"Tristan!" Maya joked.

Tori laughed. "Hey Tris, what's up?"

"You okay? You look a big shaken up." Maya pointed out.

Tristan looked at Maya and then back at Tori. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay, how about you walk with me and Maya to class?"

Tristan didn't respond he just looked back at Maya.

"What?" Maya asked.

Tristan didn't say anything.

"Okay...guess I'll walk alone..." Maya said. "See you in French guys."

Tori smiled. "See ya."

"Thank god she's gone." Tristan said.

Tori gave him a confused look. "Tris what's going on?"

"It's about Cam..."

"Campbell Saunders?" Tori asked.

"Yeah."

"Well if it's about Cam then shouldn't Maya be here too?" Tori asked.

Tristan shook his head. "I don't want to be the one to tell her."

Tori raised an eye brow.

"He tried to commit suicide..."

Tori's eyes instantly widened. "Oh my god!" She nearly shouted.

"Shh, we don't need the whole school to find out!"

"When? Where? How? Why?" Tori asked quickly.

"A few nights ago, that's all I know."

"Why the heck would he do that?"

Tristan shrugged.

"Oh my god..." Tori said while she covered her mouth.

"I know..."

"No, Tris...what is it was because he broke up with Maya?"

"Didn't he brake up with her?"

"Well yeah but what if it's because Maya has been giving him the cold shoulder since she found out about...well...you know."

Tristan gave her a confused look. "What?"

"Nothing, but we need to tell Maya!"

Tristan shook his head. "No!"

"Why?!"

"Because no one's supposed to know."

The bell rang telling the students to go to their next class. Tori and Tristan walked into the French room and Tori spotted Maya sitting alone. She looked back at Tristan to ask permission to tell Maya but he shook his head. She let out a sigh and sat next to her friend anyways.

"Hey." Tori said with a smile.

"Hey, everything alright with Tris?" Maya asked.

Tori swallowed. "Uh...yeah. How were your morning classes?"

Maya shrugged. "They were okay but I havn't seen Cam all day. You havn't seen him have you?"

Tori didn't respond she looked across the room at Tristan and he shook his head already knowing what she was trying to ask.

"Tori?" Maya asked. "Earth to Tori."

"Huh?"

"Have you seen Cam?"

"Uh...no, he must be sick."


	12. Chapter 12

"You know she is going to find out sooner or later and if it's not from us she's gunna be pissed." Tori said as she walked over to the lunch table with Tristan.

Tristan stopped in his tracks. "Not if she doesn't know we knew first."

"Tris…" Tori whinned.

"All I'm saying is you do really want to be the person that tells her Cam tried to kill himself?"

Tori didn't say anything.

"That's what I thought." Tristan said as he procceded to their lunch table.

"No, you're right, I don't want to be that person who tells her."

Tristan continued to walk.

"But I do want to be the friend that's there for her the minute she finds out."

Tristan stopped and turned around. "Well so do I."

"Well it doesn't seem like it at this point." Tori snapped before quickly walking over to Maya who was already at the table. "Maya we need to talk."

"Tristan quickly caught up to her. "Tori what are you doing?" He said between his teeth as he forced a smile to Maya.

"I'm being a good friend." Tori replyed.

"Uh…hey guys?" Maya waved her hand. "I'm right here."

Tori continued to look at Tristan for a few more seconds and then sat down next to Maya and Tristan followed.

"Well those don't seem like happy faces. Everything alright with you guys?" Maya asked.

Tori took a deep breath and looked over at Tristan. She was about to open her mouth when Tristan opened his first. He saw how painful it was for Tori to even make a sentence with the words she needed to say.

"Maya…." Tristan stared and looked at Tori who was giving one of her sad yet surprised looks. "Maya Cam, he…" Not even Tristan could get the words out.

'_Maya Matlin to Mr. Simpson's Office. Maya Matlin to Mr. Simpson's Office." _The loud speaker called. Without saying a word Maya took one last look at her friends and then grabbed her bag and left the cafeteria.

"Great, now what?" Tori asked.

"You wanted to see me?" Maya asked quietly as she entered the office.

Mr. Simpson nodded. "Take a seat Maya."

Maya slowly made her way over to the chair and put her bag down besides her.

"You're not in trouble." Mr. Simpson quickly said.

Maya didn't say anything.

"I called you down her to talk about Campbell Saunders."

Maya quickly looked at Mr. Simpson.

"Have you noticed anything strange?"

"About Cam?" Maya asked while raising her eyebrows.

Mr. Simpson nodded.

"Well I dunno." Maya shrugged. "He sorta broke up with me a while ago."

Mr. Simpson slowly nodded.

"Why? Is something wrong with Cam?"

Mr. Simpson took a deep breath. "A few nights ago…he tried to commit suicide but a student found him which…saved his life actually."

Maya didn't respond.

"Is something wrong?"

"I didn't think he'd go that far…." She whispered.

"Far with what?"

Maya quickly looked up not realizing she said that out loud.

"Maya the more information we can gather on why Cam may of wanted to end his life the smoother this time will be."

Maya didn't say anything.

Mr. Simpson sighed. "Maya I'm not asking you as your principal. I'm asking you as an adult who wants to help your friend."

"He's not my friend." Maya said coldly.

Mr. Simpson swallowed. "Okay well friend or no friend I just need to know." He paused. "Please."

"I went over his house and…I saw cuts on his arm."

"What kind of cuts?"

"I don't know." Maya snapped. "Straight ones?"

"Okay okay." Mr. Simpson said in a soft tone. "Anything else?"

"Well, I paniced I didn't know what to do so I left."

Mr. Simpson nodded. "You didn't tell anyone else, his parents, your parents?"

Maya shook her head.

"Did you tell anyone?"

Maya shrugged.

"Maya, I know that probably frightened you and you didn't know what to do but it is just as unhealthy keeping this sort of information a secret."

"I didn't keep it a secret." Maya snapped.

"Who did you tell?"

"Are you going to call them down?"

"Only if I feel the need to but I doubt I will."

"Katie and Tori"

"Anyone else?"

Maya shook her head.

"Okay. Is there any reason that Cam might have wanted to hurt himself?"

Maya shrugged and Mr. Simpson looked at the clock on the wall. "Well thank you Maya for talking to me I really appreciate it."

Maya didn't say anything she just bent over and grabbed her bag and left.

As she walked out she looked towards the front doors and noticed Cam walking to the building with some lady. She watched him for a second. He seemed fine…she actually saw him smile. She continued to walk down the hallway towards her next class when the doors opened as Cam and the lady walked into the building. She stopped for a second and went around a corner.

"You sure you want to do this?" Mrs. Saunders asked her son.

Cam nodded. "Gotta face it sooner or later."


	13. Chapter 13

Maya walked slowly down the hall but stopped when she heard the front doors to the school open.

"It will be nice to have you back home again." Mrs. Saunders said.

Maya's heart dropped. Huh?

Cam shrugged.

Maya watched as the two of them walked into Simpson's office and take a seat. She saw them talk for a bit. Shaking hands, sitting down. Nothing seemed wrong. But nothing was right.

"Good to see you again, Campbell." Mr. Simpson said with a smile.

Cam forced a small smile. "You too."

"Now..." Mrs. Saunders began. "I wanted to let you know that I am planning on take Campbell back to Kapuskasing."

Mr. Simpsons eyes widened.

"I have reasons to believe that um...the explaination...for uh..Campbell's recent behavior is linked to some people at this school."

Mr. Simpson looked over at Cam who seemed to have no emotion. "What do you think of this?"

Cam shrugged and Mr. Simpson looked back at his mother and gave her a look asking for an explanation.

"His medications make him rather tied."

*Cam's Thoughts* _Medications. I hate that word. It basically tells me I have to take a pill to make me normal. Why did she have to us it? She always asks me about them. I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm not normal. Well...I'm not. I guess. I did try to kill myself. No. No, no no. I am normal. This is normal. At least my normal._

Mr. Simpson nodded. "I see." He said under his breath. "Are you sure you don't want to wait until the end of the year?"

"My child tried to kill himself and he did cut him. Many times. Now I don't want my child to be around people how make him feel like he has to do that."

Cam sat still not blinking an eye.

"I don't know if you're aware..." Mrs. Saunders continued. "But I could have lost him. Forever, he could have died."

"He gets it." Cam said under his breath.

"I might have never even seen him again." Mrs. Saunders said with her eyes becoming red.

"He gets it!" Cam yelled.

His mother looked over at her son.

"Look we all know I could've died okay? Probably everyone in the school knows but can you not act like I'm psycho?" After Cam said that would his mouth became dry.

His mother looked at him and tried to grab his hand but he quickly cross his arms. She gave him a sympathique look before Mr. Simpson opened his mouth.

"I think we should see how the next few days go and if your son whats to return to Degrassi he is more than welcome however we will be having a teacher stay with him throughout the day.

Cam rolled his eyes and his mother noticed.

"Cam, we're just trying to help." She said in a sad tone. "I'm worried that's all."

"And you think I'm not?" Cam asked.

Mr. Simpson began talking once more. "Not only will the teacher be keeping an eye on you they will also make sure no one bothers you. Since you've been thought a lot these past few days."

Cam let out a small laugh.

"This is nothing funny about this Campbell." His mother quickly said.

Cam looked over at her.

"Cam, there is so much you don't know-"

"No, there is so much _you_ don't know." Cam said in a calm voice. Without anyone else saying a word he got up out of his chair.

His mother looked over at Simpson who gave her a quick look then moved his eyes out towards the hall.

Mrs. Saunders let out a large sigh.

"Are you positive you want to take him back?"

Mrs. Saunders nodded. "I want to be able to keep an eye on him at all times."

Mr. Simpson nodded.

"I'm planning on spending around two more days here for him to gather his things and we will leave then. She held out her hand to Mr. Simpson. "Thank you for your time."

Mr. Simpson looked at her hand for a second and then took a deep breath. He reached his hand up to met hers. "Let me know if there is anything else you need me to do."

Cam pushed through the two front doors of Degrassi and his mother quickly followed. "Campbell!" She shouted.

No answer.

"Campbell please!"

Cam turned around and threw his hands in the air. "What?"

"What was that in there?"

Cam moved his lips around trying to form words but he couldn't.

"Come on, lets just go home, have some lunch and then we'll start packing."

Cam threw his hands in the air once more but his mother didn't notice as she was walking towards the car. Why couldn't she just understand?


	14. Chapter 14

Cam looked both ways before crossing the street. His hands were in his pockets and his hood was up. It was pouring down rain and in the distance he could hear the faint growls of thunder. He jogged across the cross walk to the large building that once he felt comfortable at but now he felt like an intruder. He opened the doors and hear the sounds of the hockey blades cutting against the thick ice. Now he had to face the world.

He stopped before going into the locker room to grab his belongings. He looked through the glass on the doors exposing the group of players who were practicing. He swallowed before turning away to go to the locker rooms.

He entered the locker rooms and looked at the bench against the wall. He took a deep breath and took a seat on it. This was were it stared. The beginning of it all and the worst part is it will never end. It will always haunt him. He was the kid who was going to be the NHL. He was the kid who cut himself. He was the kid who tried to kill himself. Not once, but twice. And that will haunt him for as long as he lives. Because that's what happened and no matter how hard he worked to get back on his feet he knew it wouldn't be any use. He will end up in the same spot and everyone will think he was a joke, because he was. He was a joke.

"Alright ladies, you've got ten minutes!" A familiar voice echoed.

Cam quickly got to his feet and made his way over to his locker. He grabbed the combination and began to enter the combination.

"Hey look who showed up!" Luke said with a smirk.

Cam ignored him and continued to try to open his locker yet he forgot the combination.

"Sleep in sleeping beauty?" Luke asked shoving Cam in the shoulder.

"Hey!" shouted Dallas.

Luke looked over at Dallas and smile. "What? Just giving lil' rook here a pep talk."

"I'm not here to play." Cam said in a small voice.

Luke laughed. "Excuse me?"

"I said I'm not here to play!" Cam snapped.

Luke crossed his arms and smiled at Cam. "Little princess break a nail?"

Cam clenched his jaw and his eyes became red. By now the whole hockey team was staring at him. He swallowed and clenched his jaw harder. He then turned around and tried to open his locker once more. This time it opened. He grabbed his belongings and shut his locker behind him.

Luke laughed as he watched Cam leave.

"Get a life." Dallas said.

"What?" Luke laughed.

"You have no idea how much pain you have cause him!" Dallas shouted.

Everyone stood quite including Luke.

"He tried to kill himself! Kill himself! Ever think that maybe it was you? By saying all those things you said to him? He could have died and he is sixteen! But he is still alive because Eli found him. He would have been dead if Eli hadn't. He was gunna die and you would've been held responsible!"

Luke laughed. "Me?"

"You think this is a game? You honestly, think that everything I just said was a lie?"

"Just seems a bit extreme don't you think?"

Dallas swallowed. "I don't know what you've been taking but know this, it will take a lot of guts to show your face here ever again after today. So I suggest you either go back to sunny Florida or where ever the hell you came from or go see a doctor."

Dallas turned around to leave and Owen looked over at Luke who still had a smile on his face.

"Dallas is right you know?" Owen said.

"I get we've all been through hell and back during our high school years but nothing nearly as bad as Cam. Get your head screwed on right."

The next morning Cam stood as his locker grabbing his books. Maya was walking with Tristan when she was about to pass his locker. She stopped and began to turn around to go the other way but Tristan grabbed her shoulders and gave her a small shove in the direction towards Cam. She looked over her shoulder and she walked towards Cam and Tristan motioned towards Cam. Maya took a deep breath and stopped at Cam's locker.

"Hey." she said in a small voice.

"Hi." Cam replied. Something was weird. He sounded completely normal. His first time back during a school day with everyone around since...

"How are you?" Maya asked.

Cam continued to clean out his locker without taking one look at Maya. "Good thanks, you?"

"Fine..." Maya watched as he cleaned out his locker. "I guess."

"Thats good." Cam said.

Maya couldn't take it anymore.

"Why can't we just talk about?" She pushed.

"About?" Cam asked as he did one final check.

Maya sighed and grabbed Cam's jacket once his stood up. "Come on."

"Maya." Cam protested.

"I said come on."

Without letting go of his sweatshirt, which had nothing about the Ice Hounds on it, she led him into a near by janitors closet. She closed the door behind him and crossed her arms. She noticed a scared expression on his face.

"What?" Maya asked.

Cam looked around. He couldn't help but think about his dream he had in the hospital. He swallowed and clenched his jaw. Where he was now made his second attempt at suicide flash before his eyes. Of course no one knew about his second attempt though.

"Cam?" Maya asked.

Cam looked up at Maya. "What?"

"Why wont you talk to me?"

"I- I-"

"I would've helped you!" Maya said.

"But you didn't Maya! You did nothing! You knew what was going on and you ran away!"

"So this is now my fault?!" Maya asked in a highly annoyed tone.

"No! It's mine!"

"Then why are you blaming this on me?"

"I'm not!" Cam protested.

"Oh? Well it sure sounds like you are!"

Maya didn't say anything and neither did Cam.

"Maya, I didn't tell a lot of people okay? In fact you were the only one who knew before I tried to do anything."

"I didn't know you were going to kill yourself!" Maya snapped.

"Neither did I!"

"Then why did you try Cam?"

"Because I was scared Maya. I was scared I already screwed up everything with you and-"

"But you broke up with me over a freaking text message!"

Cam sighed. "I don't have time for this." He went past Maya and opened the door.

"Why won't you just talk to me?" Maya complained.

For a moment they looked into each other's eyes trying to find the person they once knew but everything just seemed so different.

Cam took a deep breath and without saying a word he left Maya standing alone all by herself.

He jogged down the steps of Degrassi with his bag on his back carrying the rest of his belongings. He walked down the street with his hands in his pockets and looking down at the ground. For the first time in his life he felt like he wasn't even doing anything. He just went with whatever. He felt like one person whould just tell him to do it and he would. He felt like he didn't care about a thing. He felt like everyone was against him. Everyone was trying to tell him how to recover but he felt like they were wrong. Everyone who is trying to tell him how to do things was just wrong. But he went with it anyway. Why? Because it was easy. He no longer felt the need to care. He no longer felt the need to fight for what he wanted. He no longer felt like he was living. He just kinda felt like a stick in the water that floats with which ever way the current takes him. Why? Because it was easy.


	15. Chapter 15

"You ready?" Mrs. Saunders asked as she buckled her seatbelt.

Cam continued to look through the windshield.

"Look I know you are not happy about leaving Degrassi but it will be better in Kapuskasing.

Cam didn't say anything.

"Campbell I'm sorry but it is what it is and please just accept the fact that I'm trying my best. We can't pretend that this didn't happen, it happened and you need help. And going home will be easier to get the help that you need. Campbell there is nothing wrong with asking for help. "

Cam stayed quite.

"It's really hard to see you in this much pain. And I am terrified that you're going to try this again." Mrs. Saunders swallowed to try to keep herself from crying in front of her son. "Please, just…understand that I'm trying to help you." She paused and then looked back at her son. "all the hockey training and the games and the championships, you are already on the track for the NHL, do you really want to through that away? You put so much into your life, you're life it so precious!""

Cam swallowed but didn't say a word.

"Just understand that I'm trying to help you Cam."

Still no reply.

"Please."

He slowly turned his head to look at her. He didn't say anything for a moment but finally he did, "Okay."

His mother let out a sigh and put the car into reverse to back out of the parking space. Cam looked out the window once more and watched the trees as they passed once his mother put the car into drive.

They got onto the highway and neither of them said a word since they left the parking lot. The only sound they heard was the radio and the faint sound of passing cars. Everything felt like it was going to slow. Time felt like it didn't exhist finally his life was going to change. No more Degrassi, no more Ice Hounds, no more pressure of being perfect. Everything just felt so still. He suddenly felt his stomach flip and his heart pick up. His mouth became dry and he picked up his hand a centimeter off his lap and looked down at it. He watched it for a second it was shaking. Why was it shaking? He was driving away from it all. Once he woke up the next morning in his own bed in his own home everything will be gone. So why was he so nervous? This was supposed to by the part where the end of it all started. And that's all he wanted. To wake up from this nighmare. But it felt like it was just beginning. He didn't know why there was nothing scary or intimidating about the thought of going home. So why was he so nervous?

"Are you hungry?" His mothers voice broke through his thoughts which he was some what greatful for. "We can stop through a drive thru."

"I'm fine." Cam managed to say.

"Okay. Just let me know if you change your mind."

A few minutes passed by and his mother stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts. She parked the car and left Cam in the car.

He looked around and thought to himself he didn't know how much more he could really take. This has already taken so much of his happiness and he felt like none even existed at this point. But he didn't understand. He was going home to be with his family and he already heard his mother saying something about he is taking a week off of school when he first gets there just to settle in so why the heck was he still nervous? What was there to be nervous about?

The driver's door opened and his mother slid in the car with a coffee in her hands. "They called me back." She said as she placed the coffee in the cup holder.

"Who?" Cam asked as his stomach hurt even more.

"A support group a couple minutes away from home."

"What?" Cam asked widening his eyes.

"I signed you up for a support group to help you."

"For the last time, I don't need help." Cam said staring at his mother. "I'm fine!"

"No, you're not. Campbell please don't turn this into a yelling match. Like I said, you need help, and there is nothing wrong with asking for help."

Cam let his body fall back to hit the passenger seat. "I don't want help."

"Campbell, please."

"I don't I'm fine! And I'll prove it!"

"Campbell…"

"I will!"

"That's not how this is gunna work. There is not just…brushing this off. But fine I won't make you talk to them, but I will have you talk to someone."

Cam didn't say anything.

"How about you take a nap okay? I'll wake you up once I find a place for dinner."

Cam didn't reply and his mother backed the car out of the parking lot just like she had earlier. And just like earlier neither of them said a word.


	16. Chapter 16

Maya stood in front of her mirror holding up a shirt in front of her when she heard a knock on the door.

"Hey." Katie said while a small smile. "You almost ready?"

Maya looked back at the mirror and nodded.

"I like that top, you gunna wear it?"

"I think so." Maya replied.

Katie didn't say anything and for a second looked around her sister's room. When she looked back Maya had already slipped the shirt over her tank top.

"Ready." Maya said before she squeezed by her sister in the door way.

Katie stayed in the door way for a moment before following her sister down the stairs.

"Do you think Maya is coming today?" Tori asked Tristan as they were walking to their lockers.

"I have no idea. But I don't know how she gunna survive the whole day if she does."

"I know, it must be so hard to watch someone you care about go through that much and then just watch them leave?"

"Couldn't imagine." Tristan said looking up towards the ceiling.

"Hey guys!" Maya called from down the hall.

"I guess she is here." Tori told Tristan as Maya walked towards them.

"Maya, hey." Tristan said forcing a smile.

"Maya I just wanna let you know I'm here for you no matter what." Tori said.

Maya looked over at Tori. "I'm here for you too Tor."

Tori and Tristan exchanged glances.

"No I mean with everything that had just happened...I...I'm here for you." Tori said

Maya nodded. "Thanks." She gave both of her friends a smile before heading off to her first class.

"Well that was..."

"Weird."

"She almost seemed...happy." Tristan said as he watched Maya walk down the hall.

"But you know, lets just be thankful she's taking this well." Tori said before walking down the hall.

Later that day after school Maya sat back in her chair in front of her computer in the computer lab. She ran her finger's through her hair and let out a sigh.

"Maya." Mrs. Oh said.

Maya looked up at her teacher. "Yes?"

"Considering the recent event's that have taken place, you don't have to complete you're project for this quarter."

Maya smiled, "Thanks but I think I can handle it." She looked back at her computer and continued clicking.

Mrs. Oh looked at Maya for a moment and then turned to look at another student who was working on his project. She walked over to him and told him to help Maya if she had any questions. The student nodded and looked over at the freshman who was still showing signs of frustration. He got up out of his chair and walked over to her computer. "Here," he stared out. He grabbed the mouse and clicked a few buttons to drag the video footage to her presentation.

Maya looked up at the screen and smiled. "Thanks." She turned to look at the face that belonged to a voice that seemed so familiar.


	17. Chapter 17

"So you have to press the control button." The senior said as he looked at the screen.

Maya didn't take her eyes off of him. Why the heck was he helping her?

"There yeah go." Jake said with a smile.

"Uh thanks." Maya replied without making eye contact.

"I'll be here if you need any more help." Jake said before making his way back to his seat.

For a moment Maya watched him. How could someone be so happy all the time?

He looked over at her and noticed her looking at him. She quickly brought her eyes to her monitor and Jake looked over an smile. God, she felt like an idiot.

"How you doing over there?" Jake said with a slightly laugh.

"Fine." Maya snapped. No she could never even talk to Jake. Just looking at him was a big mistake. Her sister and him were dating until they broke each other hearts. Of course she didn't think about him "in that way" she just wanted to know why he was so happy. And if he wouldn't mind sharing how he does it. Yeah, Katie would be pissed if she fond out she was even talking to him but she was tried of thinking of Cam.

A few more minutes went by and Jake was packing up his bag. He looked up at Maya and saw she was still working.

"How you doing?"

Maya continued looking at she screen.

"You know I'm not going to hurt you." Jake laughed. "I don't know what your sister might have been telling you but I'm not that bad."

Maya still didn't say anything.

"Alright, have a good night Maya." Jake said as he rose from his chair. He made his ways towards the door and was heading right.

"How do you do it?" Maya called before he left the room.

Jake turned around with a smile across his face. "I took computer classes before."

Maya shook her head. "No not the computer but being so happy."

Jake laughed.

"I don't know maybe I sound crazy but from what I see you're always so happy with my sister or with out."

Jake smiled.

"See! I even mention your ex-girlfriends name and you're still smiling."

Jake walked over towards Maya and took a seat beside her.

"What's your secret?" Maya asked as she sat back in her chair.

"Why so interested in your sister ex-boyfriends secrets 'eh?"

Maya looked down at the ground. She should've just stayed quite.

"I'm joking Maya." Jake said with a smile.

"It's just Cam left and I can't get him out of my head."

Jake nodded. "Pretty sure that's normal."

"But I don't want to think about him!" Maya said.

Jake gave her a confused look.

"I want to move on, get him out of my head."

Jake slowly nodded. "Well think of it this way, what's easier running two miles with a backpack filled with bricks or running two miles with nothing in it?"

"Nothing in it." Maya said slightly confused.

"Exactly, so think of it this way. Your mind is the backpack and all those bricks are your thoughts. The more you think about things that harder it will be to move on. But then tell thoughts you're thinking the easier."

"So how to I get rid of my thoughts?" Maya asked.

"That's for you to find out." Jake said as her knelt down to grab his back once more.

"Jake please, I don't care if you can Katie 'had a thing' I just want to know how your so relaxed all the time."

Jake sighed.

"Please. I just want to clear my head and I don't know how. I feel like I'm dragging my problems around with me wherever I go I mean look, I'm basically spilling my feelings out to my sister's ex-boyfriend."

"You know I have a name…"

Maya didn't say anything.

"Look, sometimes you just got to shake out all the negativity. Let it go, be free it's only there to bring you don't so just shake it off."

"How? That's the question. No matter what I do it's always with me. I'm basically damned if I do worry about him but if I don't everyone will think I'm messed up so basically I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't."

Jake laughed.

"See! You're just a bundle of happiness. It's like it's at your fingertips."

Jake sighed. "Come on."

Maya gave him a confused look.

"Come on you wanna be happy, let's go."

Maya didn't say anything.

"What? You look like I just invited you to go on a killing spree, I'm not a bad person Maya."

Maya didn't say anything.

Jake shrugged. "Alright well I'm offering to show you."

"Fine." Maya said. "So me how you're happy all the time. And it better not be anything Katie wouldn't approve."

Jake smiled. "Never really pictured you as one to follow Katie's footsteps. She's doing bad things too yeah know. Maybe it's time you loosen up. Maybe that's the problem."

Maya looked at him for a moment.

"Shake that devil off your back. Be your own person, make your own choices. Have fun."

Maya nodded. "Alright, show me how to be happy."

"It's more of a 'clear your thoughts technique."

Maya shrugged.


	18. Chapter 18

Cam sat on his bed looking down at his laptop. He read some of his classmates tweets from twitter and he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He was home now. Isn't that what he wanted?

"Dinner!" Mrs. Saunders called out from the floor below him.

Cam let out a small sigh and closed his computer. He walked out of his bedroom door and looked to his left. He saw his sister exit her room as well. She didn't even make eye contact. She walked right past him like nothing had changed. Why did everyone treat him this way?

A few minutes later Cam took a seat. He was the last one to sit down and he looked around the table watching people serve themselves and smiling at one another. Everyone looked so happy but his mother.

"How was everyone's day at school?" Mrs. Saunders asked as she began to cut her steak.

"I got an A on my art project!" Justin, Cam's little brother said in an excited tone. "Miss. Kim said it was the best in the class!"

Mrs. Saunders let out a smile. "Thats good. How about you Mick?"

Cam's second brother shrugged. "Fine. Except Reese made me late this morning."

Cam's sister looked up from her phone. "I did not! It was you who got pulled over by a cop!"

"You got pulled over?" Mr. Saunders said in an angry tone.

Cam looked over at his dad who stared at his brother.

"Dad-" Mick tried to explain himself.

Mr. Saunders glared at his oldest son. "I'm taking your license away!"

Mick quickly looked over to Mrs. Saunders "But"

Mrs. Saunders glared at her son and her husband. "Enough, you really think poor Campbell wants to hear all this after coming home?"

"Yeah why are you home?" Mick asked with a confused look.

Cam looked up from his dinner plate.

"Mick." Mrs. Saunders said in a stern tone.

"What?" Mick asked. "I was just wondering, hockey too much over there Cammie?"

"I said enough!" Mrs. Saunders snapped.

"Just asking Cammie here a question." Mick said to his mother.

"Don't call me that!" Cam shouted at his older brother. "You know nothing!" He quickly got up out of his chair and left the dinning room. Mrs. Saunders got up as well and Mick was about to also.

"Sit back down!" Mrs. Saunders snapped. "And stay there."

Mick did as he was told and Mrs. Saunders quickly went down the hall. She heard movement coming from the bathroom and quickly opened the door revealing Cam who had his head over the toilet.

"Cam..." Mrs. Saunders said as she walked over to him.

Cam continued to vomit and Mrs. Saunders rubbed small circles on his back. He continued to vomit about twice more until sitting back and leaning against the wall.

"You feeling okay?" Mrs. Saunders asked as she took a seat next to her son.

"I'm fine." Cam said as he stared at the toilet trying to avoid any eye contact.

"Can I get you anything?"

Cam shook his head.

"Any water?"

He shook his head once more.

"How is your arm healing?" Mrs. Saunders asked as she glanced down at her sons arm.

Cam didn't respond.

"Can I see it?" Mrs. Saunders asked. "The doctor in Toronto said to keep a close eye on them."

He still didn't say a word.

"Campbell I'm just trying to help."

Still nothing.

"And I can't help if you won't let me."

Nothing.

Mrs. Saunders let out a sigh. "I'll ground Mick, I promise."

Cam shook his head. "It's not Mick."

"Then what is it?" Mrs. Saunders asked in a gentle voice.

Cam sighed.

"You can tell me anything you know that right?" Mrs. Saunders said.

Cam swallowed. "Do they know?"

Mrs. Saunders shook her head. "Just me and your father. We didn't want to take the chance of it spreading around Kapuskasing High."

"It's just I feel so weird. Like time is moving, but I'm just stuck in one spot."

Mrs. Saunders gave her son a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"Like I see everyone moving on with their lives and having a good time and I'm just stuck, like I can't more forward."

Mrs. Saunders put an arm around her son. "That just you physicing yourself out."

"But what if it's not? What if something is really wrong with me?"

Mrs. Saunders smiled at her son. "Nothing is wrong with you Cam. We all go thought tough times each and every one of us."

"I just..." He took a deep breath. "I thought it would help and it did but..."

"Once we go and talk to someone then-"

Cam looked over at his mother with eyes drowned in pain. "I don't wanna talk to anyone. I tried and look where that got me."

"Cam if no one found you, you would've been dead."

Cam didn't say anything.

"I could never live with myself if...if you had died. I'm still having trouble with what has happened already!" She explained. "It was so close Cam and just thinking that was what you wanted I just...I couldn't take it."

Cam didn't say anything.

"Just seeing you in that much pain I...I didn't know what to do."

Cam swallowed.

"It's getting late." His mother said as she stood up.

Cam watched as his mother left him alone.

Later that night Cam sat in his bed looking at his TV on the top of his dresser.

_'A student from Toronto who tried to kill himself after school hours. Tonight at 11.'_

Cam quickly reached over for the remote and through it against the TV screen. He slid off his bed and grabbed at the NHL poster that were hanging on the wall. He ripped them down exposing the bare walls underneath. He took the thin papers and ripped them into two's and allowed them to hall to the floor. He grabbed at another one but suddenly stopped moving.

"Cam?" A small voice asked in the doorway.

Cam looked up at his little sister and walked over to his bed and sat down. "What you want Reese?"

The 10 year old girl looked at the television. "What happened?"

Cam looked over and saw a crack in the middle of the screen.

Reese walked over and sat on the edge of her brother's bed. "What happened at Degrassi?"

Cam felt his heart stop.

"You can tell me. Did something happen with that girl Maya?"

Cam felt tears begin to form.

"Cam?" Reese asked once more. "Cam, what happened? Why are you so sad?"

Cam looked over at his little sister. "I wish I knew Reese."

"Why do your eyes look so sad?" Reese asked.

Cam gave his sister a confused look.

"You look like you're in pain. Not like someone punched you but...but like a bully yelled at you."

Cam didn't say anything he just looked over at his little sister.

"Like Janet, when she makes fun of me for not wanting to play 'House' at recess. It hurts my feeling because I wanna spend time with Henry."

Cam felt his heart beat do little skips. He didn't get it. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"I like Henry, and I like spending time with him but Janet gets mad and yells at me."

Cam still didn't say anything.

"It's that what happened at your school? Did people hurt your feelings? Is that why you're home?"

"Something like that." Cam said.

"Oh." Reese said looking down at her feet.

"Reese, time for bed!" Mrs. Saunders called.

The little girl hopped off the bed and made her way to the door.

"Reese." Cam said before she left the room.

Reese looked over at her brother who opened his arms. She quickly walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Night, Reese." Cam said into his sister's ear as she hugged him.

"Goodnight, Cam."


	19. Chapter 19

"So you and Katie are pretty close huh?" Jake asked as the two walked out of Degrassi.

Maya shrugged. "Yeah I guess so."

"Do you tell her everything?"

"I dunno. If it's important then yeah I guess so."

"Well you can't tell her this."

Maya gave Jake a confused look. She watched as he held up a small white stick looking thing.

"Oh, um...that's not really my thing." Maya said as she looked around trying to avoid eye contact.

"Okay, well..." Jake said as he put the joint back in a small plastic bag.

"But I guess, I can try..." Maya said.

Jake laughed. "Nah, your a bit young."

Maya felt her stomach turn. There is was again, everyone calling her young and immature. She quickly shook her head. "Oh yeah?"

Jake smiled. "Yeah."

"Try me." Maya said crossing her arms.

Jake laughed.

"Don't believe me?" Maya asked.

Jake looked at Maya.

"What?"

Zig walked out of the back door of Degrassi and looked up when she noticed Maya standing with someone he didn't really recognize. He knew he saw the guy before but he had no idea what his name was. He decided to wait and watch what they where doing.

"Hey dude, I'm heading to the skate park if you wanna come." Damon said as he walked up to his friend.

Zig didn't say anything.

"Hm, didn't know you were into the drug type." Damon said.

Zig laughed. "What are you talking about? Maya doesn't do drugs."

"Then why is she buying them?"

Zig watched as Maya took small bag from Jake. What was Maya doing with him?

"Gotta go man, see ya later." Damon told his friend.

After Damon left Zig began walking towards Maya who was alone after Jake got in his car. He watched as she opened her backpack and he quickly called her name. "Maya!"

Maya quickly zipped her bag closed an looked up at Zig. "Hey!" She didn't really care about Zig all that much but time for a new start. Right?

"Um...hi." Zig said. He didn't take his eyes off her backpack.

"Something wrong?" She asked.

"No." Zig said.

"You sure?"

Zig nodded.

"Okay well..." Maya paused. "What are you up to?"

"Just about to go to the skate park with uh..." Zig swallowed. "Are you okay Maya?"

Maya laughed. "Yeah why?"

"Well ever since uh...Cam."

Maya smiled. "It's in the past Zig."

"Yeah but."

"Why worry about something you can't change?"

"Well I just...uh...didn't know if you wanted to uh...talk about it."

Maya sighed in a sarcastic way. "No, I think I'm good."

"You sure?"

Maya smiled "Yup."

Zig stood still and watched Maya walk down the driveway of Degrassi. Part of him didn't even know what the heck just happened but he knew something wasn't right.

The next day at school there was an assembly for the freshman and sophomores. No one knew why but no one really cared because it got them out of the first class of the day.

"Hey!" Tori said as she ran up to Maya and Tristan. "What's this about?"

Tristan shrugged.

"I have no idea." Maya said.

A few minutes later the three of them got to where it was held. They all sat together and waiting to know what was going on.

"Can I have your attention?" Mr. Simpson asked the two classes. "Settle down guys." He said once more.

Eventually everyone became quite.

"I would like to annouce that two weeks from today is going to be a dance."

Tori, who was sitting in the middle, quickly grabbed Tristan and Maya's hands excitedly.

"It's your Freshman/Sophomore Semi-Formal so the dress code is formal."

Tori squeezed their hands tighter.

"More information will be given in your homerooms tomorrow."

After the assembly was over Tori wouldn't stop talking. "Okay so first, we have to go dress shopping and then we need dates."

Maya's heart skipped a beat but quickly ignored it. She noticed Tristan looked over at her but ignored that too.


	20. Chapter 20

Cam rolled over and hit the snooze button on his alarm clock when a knock was coming from the door.

"Hey Cam, it's me can I come in?" Mick asked in a quite tone.

Cam sat up. "Sure."

The door slowly opened and Mick walked over to the edge of his brother's bed and took a seat. For a moment neither of them said a word.

"Where you really going to do it?" Mick asked not being able to make eye contact.

"Do what?" Cam asked.

"Mom told me after uh...dinner the other night."

Cam stayed silent.

"Where you?"

Cam slowly nodded.

"Why?" Mick asked raising his voice a bit. "Your hockey career Cam! You could've gone so many places and you were willing to throw it all alway?!"

Cam swallowed but nodded at the same time.

"Why would you do that to yourself?!"

"Because I was sad." Cam said in a confident tone.

"And you wanted to die because you were sad?"

Cam nodded.

"Mick! Time for school let's go!" Mrs. Saunders yelled from downstairs.

"Coming!" Mick replied.

Before leaving both brothers looked at one another but again, neither of them said a word.

After his brother left Cam looked at his arm. He counted the lines and wondered when they would go away. If they were to go away. He looked at his T.V. that still had the crack in it from the remote. He looked at the posters that were torn down. He looked out his window and let out a large sigh.

He made his way down the stairs and and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

_Went for a walk. Be back soon. I have my cell. - Cam_

He put the cap back on the pen and placed in on the kitchen counter. He grabbed a sweatshirt, a grey one, and made his way out the door.

He walked out to his front lawn and it began to rain but he didn't care. He walked around his neighborhood for a bit and let his mind go free...

_I still can't believe that my mom actually knows and Mick...god...and Degrassi knows and M...Maya... All Degrassi caused was problems. It was like I was screaming and no one could here. But I did feel ashamed though...Maya was so important to me that now...without her... I feel like nothing. I know no one will ever understand how much it hurts. I felt hopeless and like nothing could save me from this depression...But now it's all over. But a part of me almost wishes I could have all that bad stuff back, so I could have the good...being with Maya. But she probably moved on and now I have too. I gotta take my broken wings and learn to fly again. I gotta get back on my feet. Even if it's rough I know I've gotten this far and I can't go back now._


	21. Chapter 21

She wasn't thrilled. But never in a million years who she let that show. She didn't see a problem with it though. She just wanted to get over it a move on. And tonight...tonight was the perfect time to do that.

"I'm so excited." Tori said with a large grin across her face as they entered the dance.

"Our first semi-formal. I think this calls for a group photo." Tristan pointed out.

Tori nodded then looked over at Maya. "What do you think Maya?"

She forced a smile. She felt like she was doing that a lot lately. Maybe even to much. But no, not now. She kept telling him to get Cam out of her head. He was gone. It's time for her to move on. "So excited!"

Tori smiled and grabbed Tristan by the arm. "Let's go find others."

Tristan nodded and the two began to walk.

"Coming Maya?" Tori asked as she turned around.

Maya shrugged and rubbed her arm with her hand. "In a bit."

Tori frowned and let go of Tristan and the two of them walked over. "Everything okay? You seemed fine earlier."

Maya nodded. "I'm fine."

Tori let out a small breath. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna ruin you guys first semi."

Tori shook her head. "You're not ruining anything Maya. You just seem upset."

She forced a smile. "I'm fine really I am."

Tori and Tristan exchanged a brief glance.

"Well if you need anything, come get us okay?" Tori said.

Maya nodded "I promise I will."

A few hours passed and Maya watched all the other couples dance and have a good time. All she could think about was Cam. What if he didn't move? What if she hadn't ignored him? Was it her fault? Her fault their relationship feel apart? She took a deep breath and suddenly she felt someone bump into the table where she was sitting.

"So sorry..." Someone said from behind her.

She turned around and looked at the person. "No problem."

The kid looked up at Maya and smiled. "I'm Ryan."

Maya smiled. "Maya."

Ryan smiled for a moment and then looked down at the table. "Sorry about that."

Maya laughed. "No problem."

Ryan looked around as if he was looking for someone. "Who are you here with?"

Maya rolled her eyes. "My friends, Tori and Tristan."

Ryan nodded.

"You?"

"A few of my friends."

Maya nodded. "Well I'll you around."

"Actually, me and a few of my friends are getting together after this if you wanna come?"

"Oh...um...I don't know it...sure."

Ryan smiled. "Cool. Come find us after the dance."

Maya nodded. "Sure!"

After Ryan left Maya took a seat at the table once more. What did she just do? Is she really going to hang out with some kid she's never even seen before at 11 at night? For a moment she though about it more when she began thinking about Cam. She just wanted to get over him a move on. And tonight...tonight was the perfect time to do that.


	22. Chapter 22

"Maya!" Tori yelled.

Maya turned around and saw Tori and Tristan.

"We are going back to Tristan's place, wanna come?"

Maya shook her head. "I'm actually not feeling all that good. I think I might just go home."

Tori gave Maya a sympathetic look.

"I'll be okay though. I'll see you Monday."

Tori sighed. "Well okay, text us if you change your mind."

Maya smiled. "I will."

Once Tori and Tristan left Maya saw Ryan leaning against the wall.

"Awesome! You are going to come."

Maya gave him a confused look. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ryan shrugged. "Ready to go?"

Maya nodded.

A few minutes later they arrived at a small green house.

"This is it. Oh...um...my guardian, she doesn't like cell phones for some reason so do you mind leaving yours in the car?" Ryan said as he parked the car.

"Sure." Maya grabbed her purse and a small bag fell out. Both of them followed it with their eyes.

Ryan bent down and grabbed the bag that Jake had gave to her. "This yours?"

Maya's face went white and she tried to make sentences. "Uh...no I mean yes. I mean-"

"It's okay, Maya no one cares around here. Trust me." Part of him got a bit nervous but luckily the words came out calm.

Maya quickly took the bag from Ryan and put it back in her purse. She followed him to the front door where a skinny brown haired lady with bangs opened it.

"Hi...oh who's this?" The lady asked.

"This is Maya, she's gunna hang out over here for a bit."

The lady smiled. "Hi, I'm Summer."

Maya smiled back. "Maya."

"Cash is upstairs with the guys trying to put up a new flatscreen or whatever."

Ryan smiled. "Cool. Come on Maya, I'll introduce you to the other guys."

She followed him upstairs and to a bedroom where three guys, one clearly older, where trying to set up a television on the wall.

"Hey guys." Ryan started out. "This is Maya."

"Hey Maya." One of the guys said.

Maya looked over at the guy who was smoking marijuana himself and had no shirt on.

"Once Cash is finished I'll call the other chicks and get this party started!" The shirtless boy said

Ryan jokingly laughed. "Okay." He didn't like the other girls. They were nothing like Maya. She seemed sweet and nice but the other girls...they kinda gave him the creeps.

A few more minutes passed by and the TV was set up. One of the guys called some other people and they showed up in a few minutes. One was blonde and the other had black hair.

"Alright guys, time for the Friday night Truth or Dare."

Maya raised an eye brow.

Ryan leaned over towards her. "It's a lot more fun than it sounds." He lied. Personally, he hated it. But his friends liked it, so he had to too.

"Okay...drum roll please." The shirtless guy said. From what Maya could tell, he's been smoking for about an hour now. "Ryan and Mia."

"Maya." Ryan said in a quite voice.

"Whatever...Since there is a new girl in our clan..."

_'Okay, yup, definatly high.' _Maya thought.

"I dare you to make out on camera."

Ryan laughed trying to act cool and Maya forced herself to go along with it. She quickly reminded herself it was time to move on and she convinced herself it would be fun.

Maya watched as one of the guys grabbed a hand held video camera and when she looked back at Ryan he took of his shirt. But what Maya didn't realize, he hated the situation just as much as she did.

"It's getting fire-y over here." The shirtless kid said with a large grin.

Before she new it Ryan's mouth was pressed on hers. At first she was tensed up but quickly reminded herself it was time to move on. She felt Ryan get more aggressive but she went along with it anyway.

Ryan tried as hard as he could to impress his friends. He couldn't wait until it was over. He felt awful for Miya but he knew his friends who respect him more. At least, he hoped they would.

A few seconds later someone from downstairs yelled.

"What did you say?" One of the guys yelled.

Ryan quickly got off Maya and gave the other guys a weird look.

"I said it's time to go!" Summer yelled.

"We always gotta move don't we?"

"Unless we want the cops to show up." Ryan said.

Ryan looked towards Maya and Maya quickly got up. "I have to go."

"Why? You just got here." One of the other girls said.

"You know, parents..." Maya said.

"Well what don't-cha just live here?" One of the guys said.

"I really have to go." Maya said.

"I'll give you a ride." Ryan said as he got to his feet.

Maya nodded. "Okay thanks."

The two of them got into the car and Ryan backed out of the drive way.

After a few minutes Maya told him what street to take but to her surprise he pulled over on the side of the road instead.

"Out of gas?" Maya asked trying to act like she wasn't completely nervous.

Ryan sighed. _Act cool. Impress the guys. _"You know it's a shame you have to go." He said as he leaned closer to her.

Maya swallowed.

He leaned closer to her ear. _Act cool. Impress the guys._ "You sure you have to go so soon?" He began to kiss her neck as she moved towards the window.

Maya didn't say anything.

He moved his lips an inch away from her neck. _Act cool. Impress the guys. _"I think we can have fun without the others. Don't you."

Maya tried to relax she tried to move her hand but it was stuck under Ryan's chest. "Ryan..." she tried to say.

_Act cool. Impress the guys. _"What do you say. Drive a little further down the road...park near some trees..."

Maya felt like her oxygen was slipping away.

_Act cool. Impress the guys._

Maya tried to steady her breathing. She prayed Katie would come get her but how could she?

Maya opened her mouth but no words came out. Wait...Katie...thats it! She tried to move her arm slowly without Ryan knowing. She grabbed her phone and looked down in the corner of her eye. She needed to make this quick. How would Katie know something isn't right? What can she say? Just as she unlocked her phone thats when it hit her. Thank god she never changed her passcode. She felt Ryan continue to kiss her yet she tried to ignore it. She opened a new text message as she began to get a headache from looking so far into the corner of her eye. 6767. Send. She closed her eyes hoping Katie would get it. Hoping she would come save her. She felt Ryan getting more aggressive. More aggressive then when they were at his house.

A few more minutes passed put it seemed like forever. To Maya's surprise it wasn't Katie. She saw faint blue lights flashing in the rearview mirror.


	23. Chapter 23

Cam woke up and let out a large sigh. Next week he went back to school and believe or not he was kind of excited. Because now is his new beginning and he wants to make the best of out it.

He reached over and grabbed his laptop. He clicked on one of the bookmarks labeled: FaceRange. He began scrolling through the NewsFeed seeing if there was anything interesting. He stopped when a name caught his eye...Maya Matlin. He read the description and immediately he felt his heart in his throat.

_Maya Matlin was tagged in Tyler Greyson's video._

_'Who is Tyler Greyson?'_ Before watching the video he clicked on Tyler's profile picture, instantly wishing he didn't. He saw a older guy with bloodshot eyes and a look on his face that made him look like he was half asleep. His anxiety level quickly increased and he could feel it. He swallowed before clicking the play button.

_"Alright guys, time for the Friday night Truth or Dare."_ The person holding the camera said.

Cam watched as he saw Maya raise one eyebrow. One of the boys leaded on to Maya and whispered something in her ear. Cam couldn't tell what he said but his mind went with the worst possible choice.

_"Okay...drum roll please."_ The guy holding the camera said. _"Ryan and Mia."_

_"Maya." _Cam heard Maya say.

_"Whatever...Since there is a new girl in our clan..." _Cam furrowed his eyebrows. _"I dare you to make out on camera."_ Cam felt his heart stop. Would she do it? Did she do it? He wanted to just stop the video but he couldn't find the strength to move his hand. He watched the boy next to her laugh and Maya did too. What was wrong with her? Has she really moved on that quickly? Or was everything just a lie and he really didn't mean much to her? He suddenly see the boy next to Maya take off his shirt. How was this happening? How was Maya letting this happen? Someone in the video yelled from what seemed like to be coming from a different room and the video ended. Cam closed his laptop and looked around his room. He was the crack in the TV and the ripped posters. He slid off his bed and looked around his room more he kept searching. He quickly grabbed a pencil sharpener from out of his drawer and took the blade out in a matter of seconds. This was _his_ fault. All his fault. If he hadn't been such a baby then none of this ever would of happened. He would still be at Degrassi and he would still be with Maya. Only if he hadn't cut himself that night she came over. It's his fault. All his fault. And he needed to pay for it.

He placed the blade along his skin and a tear rolled down his cheek and his his wrist. He took a deep breath ready to press down on his skin but instead something caused his arm to go weak. The blade slipped out and his the floor and his head went blank. He felt like all of his cuts were opening and there was nothing he could do about it. He felt like all the time they were healing never happened and he was bleeding again. He felt like he was back in that greenhouse holding that blade against his arm before Eli found him. He felt like he was back in the changing room at hockey practice when he cut his hand. He felt like he was back. Back in the beginning and nothing had changed. He had gotten no where. He fell onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He turned on his side and faced the wall. He looked down at his arm and the cuts that were still healing.

It was strange. He felt like someone turned a switch on and suddenly it made sense. His cuts are healing. And so is he. He didn't just cut himself. He dropped the blade. He didn't even pick it back up. He ran a finger along his arm and noticed how far the cuts got in healing. He let out a large sigh and turned back onto his back. And at that moment he new things had changed a lot more than he had thought.

"Cam?" His mom said as she slightly opened the door. "Me and Reese are going grocery shopping do you want to come?"

Cam took a deep breath and opened his mouth. He didn't hear the words come out but he knew they had. His mother started at him for a moment not saying a word.

"I said...I want to go back."


	24. Chapter 24

"What?" Mrs. Saunders said with a confused look on her face.

"I want to go back to Degrassi." Cam said.

Mrs. Saunders closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because Campbell, you honestly think that is a good idea? It hasn't even been a month! No way on Earth am I letting you leave to a different high school especially Degrassi. No way, no how."

"But-"

"Campbell! No! Have you not learned one thing from all this? You're not going back!"

"But I have learned one thing! I learned I can't give up when things get hard. I easily could have died in that greenhouse and we all know I almost did. I could have died at that hospital! Hell I could have gotten home that night and tried it again!" Cam's eyes became warm with tears but he swallowed and pulled himself together.

"Cam-"

"No, mom! I want to go back, I wanna get my life back on track."

"Cam..." Mrs. Saunders started out in a much calmer tone. "Cam, I care about you and as long as you are in high school. You're not going anywhere. And that is final. I'm not losing you and I could never live with myself if something more had happened that night. You're here now and everything changed for the better. I just hope one day you can see that. I know you had friends at Degrassi but going back in not an option." Mrs. Saunders left the room not wanting to talk about it any longer. Cam could tell she was upset and he was too.

"Why is Mommy crying?" A little voice asked as the door slightly opened.

"Hey Reese." Cam said.

"You okay?" Reese asked as she climbed on the bed.

"I'm okay." Cam smiled.

"Mommy seemed upset."

Cam let out a sigh.

"Did you and Mommy fight?"

"Kind of."

"Why?"

"I wanted to go back to my old school and she doesn't want me to."

"Then why did you come home?"

Cam swallowed. "Because I was sad."

"Did you cry when you were gone?"

Cam nodded.

"A lot?"

Cam nodded once more.

"Why?"

Cam put his arm around his little sister. "Because I missed you."

Reese tilted her head and looked at Cam's chest. "You don't have to miss us."

Cam raised an eyebrow.

"We are right here." She took her index finger and poked Cam where his heart is.

Cam couldn't help but smile. There was something really special about his little sister.

"When Nana died Daddy told me that everyone you love is in there. And so am I and Mommy and Daddy." For a moment Reese stopped talking. She looked up at Cam. "You don't have to miss us."

Cam smiled.

"So you don't have to be sad."

Cam watched as Reese hopped off his bed. "I have to go help Mommy with dinner."

"Bye Reese." Cam said.

The little girl walked out of his room.

Cam sighed as sat on his bed staring at the cracked TV. He knew his mom wouldn't change her mind. He knew why too. What happened was serious and it was all his fault. Only if he just dealt with it and didn't crack so easily. He couldn't get Maya out of his head. He would never see her again and she probably will remember him as that self harming freak. He tried to get her out of his head but he couldn't. Nothing he did helped. He just wanted to see her. He thought about that night in the photo booth when he and Maya ran away from Katie. He thought about that time at the hospital when Dallas took him when he broke his arm. He couldn't get the look in her eyes out of his head. He could tell she card about him more than anything and it was true. He cared about her more than anything. And watching that jerk practically lay on top of her like that nearly killed him inside. But now he had no choice. He learned what had happened when you let problems eat at you. This wasn't even something he had to worry about because he could never see Maya again.


	25. Chapter 25

Maya swallowed as she felt the cold metal around her wrists. She felt the police officers hand on her shoulder. They both waited until someone came to the door.

A few minutes later Katie opened the door. "Can I help-" She stopped mid way and looked her sister in the eyes. The three people heard a crash coming from the kitchen and Katie turned around to see her mother as she dropped a dinner plate.

"Maya Anne Matlin!" Maya's mom said as she wheeled over to the door. "What on Earth is going on here?"

Maya looked at the ground and Katie cross her arms.

"May I come in?" The police officer asked.

"Of course." Katie said as she stepped out of the doorway.

The police officer walked over to the family room with Maya and quickly followed by Katie and Mrs. Matlin.

"I found your daughter in a parked vehicle with a boy from a family wanted for growing marihuana. I also found this in her purse." The officer put a the bag Jake had given to her earlier in the week.

Katie put a hand over her mouth and Mrs. Matlin stared at her daughter.

"Since she is under 18 I'm giving you a warning. However, this will be reported to your school along with being writing on your permeant record and will show up on any background checks."

Maya briefly looked up at her sister and mother. To her surprise her mother seemed more calm than Katie.

"Katie take your sister into the kitchen I would like to have a word with the officer."

Katie did as she was told and the officer un-cuffed Maya.

"Now I'm very sorry about this I will tell you right now that this will never happen again."

"Do you have any idea on why this might of happened? Any other history that would give a reason to why this happened?"

Mrs. Matlin sighed. "I'm sure you heard about the local suicide attempt by a student from Degrassi Community that took place a few weeks ago?"

The officer nodded.

"My daughter, Maya, that was her boyfriend who attempted suicide. I understand that is no excuse but part of why I'm telling you this is to get your opinion on whether you think it would be appropriate to sign her up for counseling so she could talk to someone."

"I'm no expert on that but I would suggest that would be wise. Also it would be good if she has a drug addiction."

Mrs. Matlin nodded. "Okay I will set up weekly appointments starting tomorrow." Mrs. Matlin paused and looked towards the kitchen. "Thank you very much for bringing her home. I can assure you this will never happen again."

After the officer left Mrs. Matlin let out a deep breath.

"You've become someone else Maya!" Katie snapped. "I mean you're acting different, dressing different..." Katie let out a deep breath. "It's like your trying to be someone else. You're not fooling anyone Maya! So stop trying to! You're making yourself look like a friggin fool! And it makes me so angry because I know you are so much better than this! You're throwing your life away if you continue to act like this! Do you want to be like Cam?"

Maya quickly looked up at her sister.

"He has to get his life back on track and who knows how long that may take? No one will ever look at him the same ever again!" Katie paused an grabbed her phone. "Not the mention this?!" Katie showed Maya the video that one of the guys had posted. "You're turing into a slut Maya! When will you start to wake up and realize that? You may think that all of this is fine because of what happened to Cam but it's not! This is still real life so wake up and stop acting stupid!"

"Maya, a word." Mrs. Matlin said as she wheeled into the kitchen.

Maya left Katie standing alone in the kitchen and Maya followed her mother back to the family room.

"What happened?" Mrs. Matlin asked.

"I just wanted to move on from Cam but-"

Mrs. Matlin sighed. "Sweetie, I know what you went through was very difficult. I can't even being to imagine what you're feeling. But I want you to understand what you did was wrong."

"I get that I do! It's just Jake called me a baby and Zig-"

"Jake? What does he have to do with this?"

Maya shook her head. "Nothing."

"Look Maya, I'm more focused on that you're home and safe. But you need to understand your actions are not acceptable."

Maya nodded as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I miss him Mom."

Mrs. Matlin sighed.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I thought Ryan could replace Cam but he couldn't. No one can. If I just did something when I saw his cuts none of this would have happened."

"Shh. This isn't your fault Maya. Campbell was sick. Sometimes people get sick and it's very hard for them to feel better. But you know it is possible. He has a very caring family it seems and they eliminated the source of the problem now all he needs is time."

"But sometimes time is what hurts the most." Maya said. "I wake up every morning wishing he was here in Toronto but he's not and he never will be again."

"I know it seems like it's the end of the word but trust me it's not. We all go through ups and downs. And right now you're in the down. But the more you focus on the ups. You'll be on the tip top before you know it."

Maya sniffled. "Why are you being so nice?"

"Because, sitting here screaming at you while you're crying isn't going to do a single thing besides make you more upset. It's important that you realize what you did was wrong and I think you know it was."


	26. Chapter 26

Maya woke up to her mother by the edge of her bed.

"Hi." Maya said while stretching her arms over her head. "What time is it?"

"Around noon."

Maya shot up. "Oh my god, I missed school."

"Relax, you're staying home." Mrs. Matlin told her daughter.

Maya gave her mother a confused look. "Why?"

"I saw that video Maya."

Maya fell back onto her bed. "Oh my god. They probably think I'm a total slut."

Mrs. Matlin didn't say anything.

"And Tori and Tristen...what if they saw it? What will they think?"

"Well...if they are real friends they will see past your mistakes. But that doesn't mean they won't be mad. As for the other kids...just hold your head up high."

Maya tightened her eyelids. "They all ready think I'm messed up for having a suicidal ex-boyfriend."

"This isn't about Campbell, Maya. This is about you."

"It is about him though! I could've helped him! But I ran. I got scared."

"Life is full of difficult decisions Maya. But if you learn from your mistakes things will get easier."

Maya sat back up. "Why are you being so nice to me? There is a video of me making out with some goon I don't even know."

"Well..." Mrs. Matlin started out. "I think you will learn from it without me having to tell you it was wrong. I only punish you so you know what you did was wrong. I don't think I have to punish you for this. However...the drugs...that's another thing..."

"I know I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't cut it."

Maya looked at her mother.

"That we do have to address." Mrs. Matlin paused. "We are sending you to a class."

"What type of class?"

"Considering you most likely have used those drugs, we are sending you to a rehabilitation program."

"What!" Maya said growing wide eyed.

"I'm sorry Maya but-"

"What happened to the whole 'I'm not punishing you'"

"It's not a punishment Maya. It's a twice a week after school program that lets you talk to others."

Maya rolled her eyes.

"It's not just for the drugs I think it will be good for you to also talk about your feelings."

Maya shook her head. "I'm not going to some program where you just talk about your feelings."

"Well you actually are. Starting next Monday."

"People won't understand."

"What do you mean?"

Maya took a deep breath. "I didn't do the drugs or be with Ryan to forget Cam. The last thing I want to do is forget him. I'd give up forever to see him again. All I can think about is his smile and how stupid I was to not be able to see through it. People won't understand. I don't want them to hear my story because they won't get it."

"All people make mistakes Maya. All people go through crazy things."

"This just feels like some messed up drama movie to me."

"Look at it this way, sadly, things haven't been all sunshine and rainbows for you lately. But when everything breaks and falls apart it is so important to remember who you are. You're not that type of girl who will be with whoever. You're a strong young woman who is passionate about music and cares about those around her."

"No one sees me that way anymore..."

"That's why you need to go that extra mile to make sure they know who you are. And you're not that girl in the video. And now you have to prove it."


	27. Chapter 27

Mr. Saunders let out a large sigh as he sat on the couch next to his wife.

"Who was that on the phone?" Mrs. Saunders asked.

"It was my boss. Apparently the agency is setting up a new office building down in Scarborough."

"Oh?"

"And they want me to be in charge of that particular location."

"In Scarborough?" Mrs. Saunders asked while raising an eyebrow.

Mr. Saunders nodded.

"But that is 9 hours away."

Mr. Saunders nodded.

"So they just expect us to move down there? What about my job and the kids?"

Mr. Saunders shrugged. "I know, that's what I tried to say but the boss didn't want to hear it."

"So what are we going to do?" Mrs. Saunders asked. "We still need to get Campbell back in school and get him on track again."

"No I know..."

Mrs. Saunders let out a big sigh. "Can you make a deal with him? Like you stay down there until September? That gives them time to get more employee's and time for them to get the hang of things."

"I'll give him a call."

Cam walked out of his bedroom and looked down over the balcony that overlooked the living room. He saw his mom sitting in a couch doing needlework and his father walking around talking on the phone.

A couple minutes later Cam's dad got off the phone.

"What did he say?" asked Mrs. Saunders.

Mr. Saunders let out a sigh. "He said no promises but he wants me to move down there by next week."

Mrs. Saunders didn't say anything.

"What if I take Cam?"

Mrs. Saunders raised her eyebrows and Cam did the same.

"What do you mean, like take Campbell with you down to Scarborough?"

"Yeah."

Mrs. Saunders was silent for a moment.

"It will help him get his mind off things, honey, anything is better for that boy than being locked in this house all day."

"He's not locked in this house." Mrs. Saunders let out a small laugh.

"He kinda is, when is the last time he's been out of his room?"

Cam continued to watch his parents talk without saying a word.

"What about school?"

"It's the end of May."

"He can't just skip the rest of sophomore year."

"Then he can enroll in a school down there. I'll get an apartment and-"

"No, not happening."

"Why?"

"Because! I don't want to take any more chances of anything happening that why! I could never live with myself if he actually had died in that greenhouse! My little baby boy..."

"I know you want him safe, trust me so do I. But you and I both know we can't keep him sheltered forever. We have to teach him he can get through this. And we also know we can't lay out his life for him. He needs to be able to make his own decisions in life. We won't be doing him any favors if we do that for him."

"I guess you're right...but we can't just let him go back to Toronto."

"What and never let him go there ever again in his life? It's not the city. It was him."

"Oh, so now his depression is his fault?"

"No! You have to hear me out. What I'm trying to say is we can't just let him run away from his problems. Now, this is going to be a huge part in his life and he needs to learn that yes, it's been a long road from then to now but it doesn't have to have a bad ending."

"So staying here with me is bad?"

"No! Just listen to me!" Mr. Saunders told his wife. "Look, I say we let him come with me, which I will be 20 minutes away from Degrassi."

"How many times do I have to tell you-"

"Stop. Just stop talking for a moment." Mr. Saunders said. "I say we let Cam go back to Degrassi, and continue hockey. But only if that's what he wants. He has to learn he can't just have his parents come and save him."

"You do realize he could have died correct? As in never see him ever again."

"Yes I do. But..."

"But what?" Mrs. Saunders snapped.

Mr. Saunders walked over to where his wife was sitting and sat down next to her. "When I was in high school I had a friend who was bullied. Now, he was at boarding school so he was away from home too. His story is very similar to Campbell's. Except he was all the way over in Vancouver. Now, he missed his family very much, he always talked about them. One day his friends pushed him a bit to far. He went into the locker room and tried to commit suicide. Luckily someone found him. Similar to how someone found Cam. His parents were horrified. They brought him home and a few months later her tried to commit suicide again. At that point his parents just didn't know what to do. He wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating and when he did he puked it right back up. His parents took him to rehab, to doctors, yet nothing seemed to change. His parents asked him what would make him happy. He said getting his life back on track, picking up from where he left off. So, he moved back to Vancouver. You see, we all hit potholes in the middle of the road. Sometimes it flattens our tire and we have to wait a little bit for someone to come help us. But once they help us do you turn around and go home? Or continue to where you want to go?"

"You continue."

"Exactly. And that's what we have to let Cam do. If he wants to go back to Degrassi we have to let him."

Cam thought about what he just heard his dad tell him mom. He wasn't far off. That's pretty much what he wanted to do. Go back to Degrassi, but not necessarily for hockey.


	28. Chapter 28

"Remember, if you need anything just text me okay?" Katie said in front of the stairs of Degrassi.

Maya nodded. "Thank you." She made eye contact with Tori and Tristan who were already in the school. Neither of them smiled.

Katie followed Maya's eyes and saw her sister's friends. "You gunna be okay?"

Maya nodded.

Katie made her way up the stairs and Maya followed. Katie went down the hall but Maya walked over to her friends.

"Hey."

Neither Tori or Tristan said anything.

"Look, I know your mad at me and probably think I'm a slut but you don't know the whole story."

"Oh I'm sorry, did we miss the part where you became pregnant?" Tori snapped.

Maya furrowed her eyebrows. She looked over at Tristan but he immediately looked away.

Maya looked around and caught and saw a man in a suit walk into the main office followed by a kid who looked a little older than her. '_Great. A new kid. Now there is one more person who can judge me.' _she thought.

"Look, I know you saw the video and I'm sorry."

Neither Tori or Tristan said a word.

"Fine you know, I'm not going to stand here and explain because I see now neither of you want to give me a second chance."

Maya walked down the hall whipping tears off her cheek. She was staring at the ground so no one would notice her crying. She wasn't looking where she was going and accidentally ran into another person.

"Watch it." Dallas snapped.

Maya continued to walk out of the school. She walked a few more steps and sat down near the greenhouse. All she wanted was everything to go away.

Mr. Simpson walked out of his office with the man in the suit and his son. "It's nice to have your son back Mr. Saunders. Please if you ever need a thing just let me know. We will take extra-"

"That won't be needed Mr. Simpson but thank you. I think Campbell will be fine."

Mr. Simpson smiled. "Very well. Here is a copy of your classes in case you needed a reminder."

Cam smiled. "Thank you."

"Everything is mostly the same. If you have any questions just let me know."

"Thank you very much. Mr. Simpson." Mr. Saunders said.

Cam looked around the hallway and it was empty. He saw his dad drive away. He walked past the front doors and noticed someone sitting by the greenhouse. Man was this going to be weird. He tried to kill himself there. And he almost did. He knew he had to come to terms with it sooner or later. He walked out to the greenhouse and saw someone sitting inside of it. He walked a bit closer. For a moment he saw himself. Laying there lifeless. He shook his head and realized he wasn't going nuts. There was actually someone sitting there, crying.

"Not getting any better for you either huh?"

Maya's head shot up. "Cam?"

He gave her a weak smile.

"What the hell?"

"My dad moved to Scarborough and well...here I am." He looked around the greenhouse. "Back for a second chance."

"It's not that easy to get second chances around here."

Cam looked at Maya. "Why are you crying?"

"Nothing." Maya rubbed her eyes. "It's stupid." She gave Cam a weak smile.

Cam gave her a sympathetic look. "Hey, I think we both learned that what a smile can hide isn't always good. What's wrong?"

"You still on FaceRange?"

"Yeah why?"

Maya sat back down and Cam sat down next to her.

"There was this video..."

Cam nodded.

"You saw it huh?"

Cam let out a deep breath.

"Great." Maya rolled her eyes.

"I saw it but I also know it wasn't you. After what I did I think we were both confused and scared. I'm not anymore. Are you?"

Maya shook her head. "No, I want to be with you. And I'm sorry. About everything. I've been the worlds worst girlfriend. I fell for Zig I fell for Ryan." Maya paused. "But I was too dumb to see all along there was the perfect guy right in front of me. I'm so sorry Cam, I shouldn't have just ran away like that. I should've helped you when you needed it."

Cam gave Maya a small smile.

"I'm so stupid." Maya said as she put her head back.

"You think I don't feel the same way? I tried to end my life."

"When did we end up in this mess?" Maya asked.

Cam sighed. "I don't know...I just don't know."

"I'm glad you're back." Maya told him as she looked over at him.

Cam grabbed Maya's hand. "Me too."

"I suppose we should go back to class." Maya said with followed by a sigh.

Cam nodded.

They both stood up and looked at each other.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Maya wrapped her arms around Cam and rested her head on his shoulder. "Please never leave me again."

Cam kissed the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

><p><strong>So some of you may have remembered this story from a while back. This is my re-posting of this story because I actually took it down a while ago. After a while I decided to re-post it because I was proud that I stuck with it and I knew I shouldn't have taken it down for such a silly reason. Anyway, here it is. The full story of "What A Smile Can Hide" and this time, it's not going anywhere. Thanks guys 3 <strong>


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